Stephanie's Inspiring Journey: From Childhood Writer to First-Time Author

Stephanie's journey from childhood writer to first-time author is nothing short of inspiring. At the tender age of 12, she found solace in writing, using it as a therapeutic outlet to navigate the complexities of trauma and PTSD. Join us as Stephanie candidly shares her compelling story of overcoming self-doubt and embracing her voice despite her fears. Her upcoming book, a tapestry woven from her life experiences, is a testament to her resilience and her desire to leave a legacy for her loved ones. Through our conversation, you'll discover the serendipitous paths life can take and the power of storytelling in healing and transformation.

We also venture into the multifaceted world of writing and publishing, where focus and organization become both allies and adversaries. From scattered notes to a finished manuscript, I recount the emotional rollercoaster of editing and the choice between traditional and self-publishing. Stephanie and I explore the creative bonds formed through storytelling, particularly the heartwarming tales of "Lila and Papa's Grand Adventures," which connect grandparents and grandchildren. For those aspiring to write, we emphasize the importance of progress over perfection and the sheer joy of bringing ideas to life. Get ready to be inspired by real-life stories and insights that might just spark your own creative journey.\

TLDR: 

Stephanie shares her journey from a hesitant writer to a confident first-time author, emphasizing the power of storytelling in overcoming personal trauma. The episode explores creativity sparked by life's challenges, the emotional intricacies of the writing process, and practical advice for aspiring authors.

• Discussion on the impact of childhood trauma on Stephanie's writing
• Importance of leaving a legacy through completed stories
• Insights into the editing process and emotional challenges
• Pros and cons of traditional vs. self-publishing
• Exploration of children's literature and its family connections
• Tips for overcoming perfectionism and beginning the writing journey

Chapters

• 0:02 Unveiling Trauma Through Storytelling
• 9:42 Navigating the Writing and Editing Process
• 17:26 Connecting Through Writing and Storytelling

Transcript

Nicole Tuxbury: 0:02

Hello there and welcome back to the next episode of Overcome Yourself, The Todcast. As you know, my name is Nicole and I'm so excited to be here today with Stephanie, and Stephanie is a fellow author, so I'm going to let you take it away, Stephanie. Tell us all about you and your upcoming book.

Stephanie Essary: 0:19

Thank you so much for having me. So I am going to be a first time published author. I have been writing since I was 12 years old. It's something that's always been a big part of my life. I've written a lot of even maybe complete novels and children's books and tons of poetry through the years, but I always just kind of kept it to myself.

Stephanie Essary: 0:40

My family knew that I wrote my husband, my children, my extended family but it's something that I never really had confidence in and a lot of that is tied to the trauma that I experienced throughout my early years and it's something I learned to kind of keep my voice small.

Stephanie Essary: 0:54

So about a couple of years ago I started experiencing some really big health issues and during that time you kind of realize puts things into perspective that I'm going to be 54 this year and that life is not promised, and this is something I've wanted for so long that it's either kind of now or never, because I don't know, do I get two years, do I get 20 years? And that's kind of the unknown. Really sitting down with myself and working through a lot of the problems that I was having with being able to get out of my own way and being able to realize this dream that has been with me as long as I can remember, and finally finishing a book, having it in editing and working on publishing it, and even finishing a couple of children's books that I had and they've finished illustrations and they're going to go up shortly as well um to to be out there in the world, which is both exciting and very scary it is.

Nicole Tuxbury: 1:54

It's amazing, like once you like write one, like I guess it's like tattoos, you're like I gotta do another one exactly, it's true, it's very, very true.

Stephanie Essary: 2:04

It is funny there's kind of a theme of a tattoo going on in this, in this book that my first book that I finished yes, it is, and so this book in particular.

Stephanie Essary: 2:13

It's something that has existed in some form as far back as when I was 12 years old. One of the first books or stories, rather and it was written in the voice of a 12 year old was when I was 12 years old and it was about a girl that was a journalist and she there was this missing girl that she was following, and the girl started showing up and and all these places that she was at and nobody believed her. So that story obviously was in a different form. But when I decided to resurrect one of these stories, I took that and I kind of wove it into the story as it is. So for me this particular story was the one that I needed to finish, the first, because it took just things I've written through the years and it's just a beautiful kind of melody of all of these things and all of these different parts of my life in this one book and I'm very proud of it and I'm really excited to kind of put it out in the world and see what others think about it as well.

Nicole Tuxbury: 3:11

That is. That is amazing and I love that. You know, that's one of the things I talk about in my book that sometimes we end up like in these random paths or what seemed like random paths, but then looking back, you're like, wow, those things were preparing me for, for this right. Because we go through things and we're like, why did that happen? And we meet certain people or we gain certain skills that we can take with us.

Nicole Tuxbury: 3:33

And, in your case, I love how you were able to take all those elements, because you you could have just not written right, but you did right and you were like I don't know what I'm gonna do this, I'm doing it for myself. And then one day you look back and you were like I don't know what I'm gonna do this, I'm doing it for myself. And then one day you look back and you're like, oh my gosh, look at this, look at this beautiful entire story that I can just weave together now. So I love that, I love that journey. So overcome yourself. So tell me a little bit about how you came to writing the book right, because, like, there's got to be like a great story underneath that. So talk to me a little bit about that. Sure sure.

Stephanie Essary: 4:07

So I have been on my own way a long time and I mentioned before there was a lot of trauma and I think for most of us we have some trauma. You know that we've dealt with through the years in various forms. And for myself I you know I have CP, cptsd, which is from childhood trauma and abuse, and I was taught very young to keep that voice small and one of the ways that I dealt with that was by writing, whether it was journaling or creating these stories or writing poetry, and so for myself it's always been a very therapeutic way for me to deal with whatever it is that I was going through. And even though through the years I kind of chose safer paths as far as professionally writing was something I always went back to, and especially during those times that I was struggling and I came to a point where I realized that so much what I was writing was really it was good, I felt like it was really good. I was always told that it was really good. I felt like it was really good. I was always told that it was really good.

Stephanie Essary: 5:06

But I was scared because my voice again was just very small and my daughter I had given my daughter my older daughter some boxes, and she was going through these boxes and came upon a couple of the notebooks I have and when I tell you I have hundreds of notebooks, I have hundreds of notebooks filled with everything and it really started thinking about when I'm gone, I don't want my children, and now my three beautiful grandkids, to go through these boxes and see all of these unfinished stories, things that I was always too scared to finish or too scared to put out in the world, because this is the one thing that meant more to me Of course, not as much as my children and my husband, but it was the one thing I was most scared of failing at, because it mattered the most. It was the thing that kept me sane, that kept me safe, that helped me navigate the just the horrible points of my childhood, and so that's why I was really scared to do it. So I thought a lot about it and then my husband and I ended up moving to San Diego for his job, and I found it very therapeutic, kind of walking by the water and and being here, and then I don't know what happened. I started thinking a lot about what life means and how much time I have left and all of these things, and I'm like I want to finish one of these stories. So I took a couple of stories.

Stephanie Essary: 6:23

Like I mentioned, there's that 12-year-old story that exists in some way. It's about a journalist that she is healing from an accident that she was in a couple of years prior, both physically and mentally from it, and during the course of this she thinks she has her life together. She has a great boyfriend, a supportive family, just a great career, and she feels that her life is good, that she's really been able to put it back together after this accident. And then she starts having these very, very vivid dreams of people and places that she's never been to or never known, but she feels really, really connected to. And it leads her to reconnect with the husband of someone else that was lost in the same accident. And then she is tasked with finishing the story or one of the stories of someone else that was lost in the same accident. And then she is tasked with finishing the story or one of the stories of his wife, because she had never been able to finish the stories Because she too had been, she had, you know, had dealt with childhood abuse and all of this.

Stephanie Essary: 7:17

So it just it was a way a very safe way for me to take parts of my life and compile it into this beautiful book about what it is, how far our minds kind of go sometimes to protect us from trauma and grief, but also in doing so, it often keeps us from being able to fully step into who we are. So there were a lot of those things acted as a catalyst. Is not wanting to leave these unfinished stories for my children to uncover and my grandchildren to uncover, and then it becomes their burden. My fears become their burden, and I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to. I wanted to leave them with something that was finished, and this book is part of telling that story and I continue, I want to continue to do that.

Nicole Tuxbury: 8:02

I love that. So my mom died when she was 29. I was one and a half, and so that really resonates with me because I'm like I want, I want to leave a legacy. I want to leave something where my kids will be able to read, like what did I think about? What did I believe you know where they could hear my voice? Because I don't have any of those things, and so I think that's just absolutely beautiful and it's amazing that we do get to build a legacy like this, and I want to commend you for being brave and for taking that step.

Nicole Tuxbury: 8:35

And we really, you know, one of the things that I talk with my clients about is talking to our subconscious sometimes, because we have those fears and so we have to acknowledge it, like thank you, thank you for keeping me safe.

Nicole Tuxbury: 8:47

I know that you are displaying all of these scary situations that can happen because you're trying to keep me safe, but I'm trying to do this so that we can be better, safer, right, like there's a whole new level of safe, and that's where we're trying to go to, and so, if you will help me with this, not only will we be safe, we're going to be better off. And yeah, and sometimes you really do have to talk to them, right, we have to. It's a conversation, it's not a one-time thing. We're going to hey remember that we're doing this to be safer, right, but really that's something that we have to, really to calm our mind down because at the end of the day, just like you said, it's trying to keep us safe, um, and so I love that so much. So tell us a little bit more um about. I want to know more about your journey to becoming an author.

Stephanie Essary: 9:39

So that's a scary one. It's really hard. When I decided to finish this book and truly finish it, I think I turned on my OCD because I was just so absorbed with finishing it. So I was writing 12, 14 hours a day, and keep in mind that a lot of this material always already existed in some form, so it was just a part of taking pieces of this and pieces of that and putting it together like this puzzle of this story.

Stephanie Essary: 10:05

So one of the things I will say and I've read this about other authors so I don't feel so bad now is that if you would go through all of those notebooks I write in such I have a very ADD mind and so you will see post-it notes and you'll see scattered pieces here and there, so nobody would have ever made been able to truly make sense of it, I think. And so part of that was really trying to figure out how to streamline it, how to work in a better way to be able to make this happen, because in the past I would write something, almost finish it, but then I would be kind of sidelined with this other story idea or this poem I wanted to do. So part of that process was being able to really focus on finishing this piece, because I would never be able to get it published if I have all these other stories, but I needed to finish this one. So I really had to sit with myself and reteach myself some things about staying organized, about, you know. Hey, let's create a process for really making this happen. So that's probably the biggest, that's the hardest thing that I had to overcome and that's really had to get out of my way there.

Stephanie Essary: 11:13

So I spent a lot of time, you know, putting the novel together and then, once I finished it, I was so proud of myself for finishing it because it was truly a finished piece, right. And then I had to hand it over to an editor and I will tell you, for me it felt very much like raising a child, like you pour all of this love into it and you think it is the most wonderful thing to ever exist and it has such beautiful parts. And to hand it over to someone else, like handing them over to school. It's like now they're going to take what I created. What are they going to do with it? Are they going to remove some of the things that I instilled in it?

Stephanie Essary: 11:51

So it's sat with and it's still with my, you know, final editing stage and that in itself is a very difficult process because it has 160,000 words. So we already know that it needs to be, you know, taken down and she says, okay, we need to get this down to about 130,000 words for your first novel, it's just, it's a good number to work with. Thousand words for your first novel it's just, it's a good number to work with. And so that in itself has been very, very difficult to to come to terms with. I've got to remove some of these things. So, even when you get to the point of your writing, you're still handing it over to someone else that may have a different idea as to whether or not the story progresses the way that it should to really be able to engage the readers. So that has been. It's been a little bit hard to navigate. That I'll be perfectly honest. I know that my writing skills are there. I know that that's. That's good. That's the one thing she said is really good, but of course there's parts of it that may need to be changed and and reworked.

Stephanie Essary: 12:56

I had to take some of the scenes and move it up sooner, so there was a lot of push and pull and, and there was times I wanted to quit, you know, during that process too, because I'm like, okay, this is harder than I thought. You know, I really love this story and I know that we're creating something quite beautiful. And then we had to talk about how you know I really love this story and I know that we're creating something quite beautiful. And then we had to talk about how, you know now the path to publishing, to go a traditional route. She feels, yes, you can get a traditional publisher. I really believe that.

Stephanie Essary: 13:28

However, it's something that can take three to five years and it kind of goes back to the time. Do I don't want to say doom and gloom. I do have some health issues, but it's something that, if I take really good care of myself, I can be here until I'm 80 or 90. But you really start thinking about what time do I have left and do I want to commit to a three to five year trajectory? Because I have boxes of stories, I have things that I want to put out in the world. So that's something that we're working through now. Will I go through self publishing or do I want to take that traditional route?

Nicole Tuxbury: 14:04

Yeah, and there's a lot of pros and cons. I hosted a summit last year stop writing, start selling. So there's a lot of information about that on there. But there's pros and cons to traditional versus self-publishing. Um, a lot of people just to clarify for the audience think that when you get a traditional publisher you're like, oh, I'm good, uh, they're gonna handle everything for me, and unfortunately that's no longer the case. Like you're still responsible for your own marketing. So the benefit, the biggest benefit, is just that advance, um, other than that, like you're still going to be doing all the marketing and all the fun stuff, and so there's a lot to look at.

Nicole Tuxbury: 14:43

But I love self-publishing. I've self-published between journals and books and workbooks like over 15 now and I'm working on my big one, which is also in editing. I have I don't know where it is, but I have my advanced reader copy somewhere around here or my author copy where you know I'm sending to my editor, but it's. It is such a process and when I first sent it to my editor, my note was this isn't a book, this is a research paper. So like we're going to have to redo this. I like that, I like that.

Nicole Tuxbury: 15:18

So you know good but not great, because it's like this is great information, you know, good but not great, cause it was like this is great information, but nobody wants to read a research paper. So we're going to have to make this. So, whether you are writing fiction or nonfiction, having an editor, it is very scary, but it is definitely very worth it. Your story is just going to be so much better. My words, there's so many words that I use so much, so much. You know, like then, then, so I didn't even know that I use them so many times.

Stephanie Essary: 15:49

I've already gotten that part. I knew, I knew it and I actually handed over, I gave it to my daughter to kind of read through and she's like, mom, you've used, but you know so many like there's. There are words that you use kind of over and over again and I'm a very descriptive writer and I do find and there's I don't want to say there's an issue with that. I think it's very important to be able to kind of bring readers into these worlds, right. But I think sometimes you can kind of go a little far by describing everything and something.

Stephanie Essary: 16:19

When I'm I've sat down with the developmental editor is recognizing, you want to show, and then you want to tell. And she said to me you show and you tell, which is like you, really you draw people in with your descriptions, but then you kind of reiterate that by telling and you don't necessarily need both. So that's some of the things that can be removed from that novel, you know. And so, yes, you recognize, um, and that makes you a better writer, right, because you, you figure out, uh, these are things I have to change so that I can expedite the process on this next novel that you know I want to put out as well yeah, and in everything right, like even now when I'm writing for my website or social media copy and things I'm like I don't need't need to bend there.

Nicole Tuxbury: 17:00

Like I read the sentence, I'm like, oh, we can get rid of all those words Right, but you do learn. You learn in the process and it does, so that's, that's fantastic. I absolutely love that. Stephanie, you also mentioned I just want to touch on this, but you mentioned some kids books. I got to help on some kids books last year, so tell us a little bit about that.

Stephanie Essary: 17:21

I love them. So I wrote kids books when from my own children. I wrote them stories when they were younger. And then, as I mentioned earlier, I have three beautiful grand babies. They are three, one and one, and when we moved to San Diego we obviously were a little bit further from them. But we do daily video calls and so in these daily video calls I'll get on there and I'll sing with them and we'll do, you know, little things, I'll tell them little stories, that kind of thing. And so I created this series called Lila and Papa's Grand Adventures. It's essentially two grandparents that are in California and they're communicating with their little grandkids that are in you know another state and they're on these video calls and then they go on these virtual kind of just adventures together, and it's going to be a series.

Stephanie Essary: 18:08

I've actually written eight stories, and so the first one is illustrated, beautifully illustrated. I have a beautiful illustrator and so that one's actually already ready. So in the next couple of weeks we'll be able to put that on Amazon. And then I did have a took one of the books that I wrote about, I guess about 12 years ago and for my youngest daughter, called the golden thread, and that one's an illustrated illustration almost finished that one and that is about how we carry on characteristics, whether they're traditions or our traits and things like that, from those that came before us.

Stephanie Essary: 18:43

So the Golden Thread is about this magical thread that comes in and it takes this little girl on a journey to see some of her ancestors and even her parents when they were little, and kind of explains how we are shaped by the people that came before us, even those that were generations before, just in stories and traditions that carry forward. So those are two books that will be ready in the next month to kind of go out to the world and I'm going to be self publishing those through Amazon because I wanted to get those are a lot simpler than this novel, right, so that's going to be first, but I am just so in love with them and they're just beautiful little stories and I'm excited about this grand adventures because I do know there's a lot of grandparents that don't get to be with their grandkids all the time and this is a beautiful story that can just help them connect.

Nicole Tuxbury: 19:29

I absolutely love that. That is such a great market.

Stephanie Essary: 19:33

Oh my God, you're genius, Just genius girl. I'm right. That's why I said I'm kind of a Jill of all trade not all trades but I I love writing and it's been such a huge part of my life that, like I said, from poetry to short story journaling, I've done it all, and writing in itself is just a beautiful way for people to to really learn a lot about themselves and to deal with things that they're going through.

Nicole Tuxbury: 19:59

I love that. I love that and something that I tell my clients all the time that you're just like just doing such a wonderful example, like you're just walking the walk right Is taking inventory. What have you already created? You had these stories like you wrote these stories the same way that the Hobbit right, was it the Hobbit that came out? Um, coralline coralline was written, as I know it wasn't. Was it written?

Nicole Tuxbury: 20:25

They read it as a like, as a kid's story to the little kids, and that's how they determined if it was too scary.

Nicole Tuxbury: 20:30

And then, after it was published, they were like you weren't scared, right, and they were like, no, we weren't terrified, but we had to know what happened next, because it is pretty, um, right, but so many amazing stories have come from bedtime stories Like I'm just creating this world for you. And then, boom, it becomes. You know, it becomes real, it becomes on paper and holding something that you've written, that you've created, like it's mind bending, like the other day I had like a something like online that was referencing my book, and then I had, oh no, it was a bookmark I made. I had like a something like online that was referencing my book and then I had, oh no, it was a bookmark I made I had. I had it like on the landing page and then I had it like in the real world, like it was sitting next to me, and I was like, oh my god, like I made it like it didn't exist and now it does.

Stephanie Essary: 21:13

I know that is such a that's a wonderful feeling and I can't wait to to physically have that in there. So I'm really there's nothing like it, um, yeah all right.

Nicole Tuxbury: 21:22

So, um, final tips. If you have any tips for those people out there that they have a book in them, they know that they want to be an author, but they they just, for whatever reason, haven't. Give give us your best tip for them to just make some progress.

Stephanie Essary: 21:39

It doesn't have to be perfect. I think we get so tied up in perfection that things have to be written a certain way or have to look a certain way. I can't put it out in the world because people will look at me and find fault in it. And just keep in mind, there'll always be people out there that may not like what you put out, but oh, when you touch the people that do, and that's all you have to do is keep moving, just start moving forward and look, I am navigating this now. I'm by no means an expert in it, but I hope that the story that I have to tell people and the things that I have to share with them five years from now is to be able to look back and see look, all I did was just start and look where I'm at now.

Nicole Tuxbury: 22:19

Yeah, because you know what? You can't edit a blank page. So if you hadn't had the courage to write down your story like, your editor couldn't be like this is how we make it better, right? So, like, even if it you know, I'm sure it was great, but, like, even if we start with something bad, we can work up to great by editing it. Well, we don't need this, let's add this, let's talk about this, and then boom, now you have something great. But you were brave enough to start and so I love that. I love that. Thank you, of course, you're very welcome. Now, how can our readers? How can our readers?

Stephanie Essary: 22:52

we've been talking about books there will be readers someday so they can reach me on my website, so you can go to stephanieesserycom. There I have everything from the books that are going to be coming soon. This particular novel the Language of Dreams is what it's called is going to be put out. First. I have the two children's books that are on there and you can kind of see some of the illustrations and just how lovely they are, and then one that I'm currently working on, which is from Good Bones, which is about a Southern Louisiana family like my own and just how beautiful imperfect legacies can be, and on that website you can also catch my podcast. You can find out more about the books. They will be sharing book excerpts. They're going to be. There is a playlist of songs that I listened to while I was kind of finalizing it, so lots of good information there, and it will also have the links that you can find me on Instagram and Facebook.

Nicole Tuxbury: 23:48

Awesome, that is amazing, and I'll make sure all those links that she mentioned are going to be available down in the show notes or the comments wherever you're watching. All right, and that's it. Thank you so much for joining us today, stephanie. This has been absolutely amazing. Congratulations on taking the biggest small step you can take, which was starting. I can't wait to see you publish your books. I can't wait to see all the amazing things that are coming for you. That's awesome.

Stephanie Essary: 24:13

Thank you so much, nicole, it was a pleasure.

Nicole Tuxbury: 24:16

Thanks, we'll talk soon. See you online. Bye guys, see you next time.