From Self-Hatred to Self-Acceptance: A Cowboy's Journey Through Addiction with Shane Jacob

Shane's powerful story of transformation begins with a familiar struggle—that persistent internal voice whispering "you're not good enough." Despite a relatively normal childhood, this nagging self-doubt led him down a destructive path of alcoholism lasting over twenty years, leaving behind a trail of broken relationships, legal troubles, and deep shame.

The turning point came through an unexpected source—horses. After being thrown from a young colt and lying in the dirt blaming the animal, Shane heard the profound words that would change everything: "You did it to yourself." This moment of accountability sparked his journey toward recovery and self-acceptance.

What makes this conversation extraordinary is Shane's ability to articulate how our deepest beliefs about ourselves shape every aspect of our lives. He explains how horses became his greatest teachers, demonstrating authentic communication and true forgiveness. "If you come to the barn with a secret, you don't have a secret," Shane reveals, highlighting how horses' hyper-awareness of human emotional states makes them perfect mirrors for our inner worlds.

Shane challenges us to reconsider our relationship with difficult emotions. Rather than numbing discomfort through addiction or avoidance, he advocates feeling fully—even the painful parts—as essential for discovering lasting joy. "The most joy and happiness and peace that I've felt in my soul was a result of things that didn't feel good," he shares, offering a profound perspective on embracing life's full spectrum.

The most transformative insight comes when Shane discusses healing. "You can change the past," he asserts, not by altering circumstances, but by changing what those experiences mean about our worth. His powerful message resonates throughout: "Regardless of what you have done and regardless of what has been done to you, you are 100% invaluable, priceless, worthy."

Ready to transform your relationship with yourself? Try Shane's simple daily practice of monitoring negative self-talk, asking "Would I say this to someone I deeply love?" This five-minute habit could be your first step toward profound self-acceptance and the joy that follows.

Chapters

• 0:00 Meet Shane: From Cowboy to Coach
• 3:17 Breaking the Cycle of Addiction
• 6:42 How Horses Helped Heal
• 12:15 Joy vs. Happiness: A Mindset Shift
• 19:28 Believing in Your Own Worth
• 30:33 The Five-Minute Daily Practice

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello there and welcome to the next episode of Overcome Yourself, the podcast. As you know, my name is Nicole and I'm so excited to be here today with Shane. Now, shane, as you can tell, is, I guess, a cowboy Is that a good way to put it? You work with horses, so I think it's pretty official. So please take it away, shane, and let us know a little bit about who you are and who you help.

Speaker 2: 0:24

Yeah, thanks so much. Yeah, I always wanted to be a cowboy and do all the cool things that cowboys do. I was named after a Western movie way back and it came out in the I don't know late 60s or 70s. I guess it came out in the late 60s. But anyway, and I've done a lot of those things, I've been involved in the horse industry for my entire career and that's been quite a while now.

Speaker 2: 0:50

There was a good portion of my life, you know, nicole, when I was a young man, when I mean like a teenager and even into my early 20s, you know, I had this noise going on in my mind and that noise was telling me pretty consistently hey, you're, you're not quite measure up, shane, you're not quite good enough, you're a little bit deficient there. You're, you're not quite the same, as something seems like it's lacking. And I wasn't fully aware of this, but I was aware of all the discomfort that it brought me and what it felt like. And super shy, you know, I really tried to fit in and I tried to, you know, and I did pretty decent in sports, I did okay in school. I don't have a particular I can't name a trauma. You know a lot of us, a lot of stories that I hear of people. A lot of us go through some just I mean some seriously traumatic things and I don't in my mind my experience was decent family life, decent this, and that. Nothing really stands out as why I had this noise in my mind, but as a result, primarily as a result of that, it led me down a road, and what I mean is when I was about 16, I found the solution to solve all that discomfort. I mean I experienced alcohol for the first time, boom problem solved and I mean I felt like a real problem solver there, inhibitions gone, you know, and eventually, like I said, as in part of that, that led me down a road of drinking to excess on a daily basis for over 20 years. I left behind me more destruction.

Speaker 2: 2:41

It's hard to even talk about some of the things that can't be mended or healed, of all the the pain and suffering that caused so many people um multiple times in jail, prison even. Um divorce after 17 years, um close up to suicide from people that I was very close to just diminished and dissolved relationships with my kids and, you know, failed businesses and all kinds of. It's a bad time, it's a dark time and it's an ugly time and, you know, I like to say, with, by the grace of God and with the help of horses, I, you know, I like to say with by the grace of God and with the help of horses, I, you know, broke out of my cycle because the cycle that I was in fed the narrative that I was deficient. Somehow I felt bad, you know. Just think of the cycle. I feel bad about me, you know, and so I drink, I feel better and then I do things that make me feel worse. So now I feel bad and it just, you know, it's this never ending cycle. It seemed like it was never ending and it wasn't for decades, literally, I mean, it was a damn mess, let me tell you. And, um, you know, gel's no place to be and the things that I've done are just, um, like I said, a lot of things can't be healed and that's hard to. That also feeds the cycle and the cycle and it's like how the hell do you break out of this thing? And a lot of people we get into that and sometimes we don't even know it to some degree. But you know, as I, after I finally broke out and changed my life and got squared away for a little while, and you know, I've studied human to develop human behavior for a long time, nicole. I mean a mean a long time. That's why I love your podcast and I'm happy to be here, because I think that the biggest challenge that we all have in this lifetime is really to.

Speaker 2: 4:35

I think that our default is to think that we're a little bit defective and that we're just not quite good enough and we're all somewhere in a spectrum of.

Speaker 2: 4:44

You know, everything that we do is based on these core values and I believe, unless we get intentional about what we believe about ourselves, we're going to end up with these noises that we might not be aware of oh, I should have done this. Oh, I'm not good at names. Oh, I'm not good with numbers. Oh, you know I'm, I'm not, I don't, uh, I'm too nervous to speak in front of people, or you know what old people think if I fell in my new business, and you know all the things that that are inside of us that make us these unique, amazing individuals that we are subconsciously, this noise is keeping us suppressed, you know, and I I think it's our default because if, if you look around. I mean, psych research has been telling this, us this for decades and decades and we all know, hey, be confident like we all know that, right, but I don't know how much we really fully prioritize it and how much we fully understand how much impact it's having in our lives and all the people around us.

Speaker 1: 5:57

We get stuck in a rut, right, and so we're just doing what we're used to and we don't think about it. Well, a long time ago time ago, luckily we broke free from that. You and I broke free of that cycle. We were like, hey, isn't the point of this? Like you know this journey that we call life. Like shouldn't I actually like this? Like shouldn't I be actually, like maybe you know having fun. Like I shouldn't be dragging myself through this? Um, I mean, I don't know if that was what it was like for you, but I want to hear more about the horses. So can you talk to us about the transition and how the horses played a part in this amazing transformation? Because look at you now You're out here speaking, you're doing the work, so I'm proud of you. So tell us about the horses.

Speaker 2: 6:41

So I have so many things about horses, I've done so many things and spent so much time, but they were really instrumental. I mean horses, you know, are these just magnificent. I think they're a God's gift. You know, they're just these magnificent creatures that I've had the chance to, to be able to spend time with and be around. Um I, uh, back when I was drinking and kind of near the end, I, I uh I was.

Speaker 2: 7:09

I've trained a lot of horses and I was riding a young Colt and I ended up on the ground and it wasn't the first time that that happened by any means but I was laying there in a dirt and, uh, coughing and choking and wondering if anything was broken. Um, the horse had just wandering around, like you know what the hell is your problem, and he kind of came back over my way after he jumped out from underneath me and and I said, uh, I said you blankety blank, why'd you do that to me? And either the horse, or God or somebody, or made my own mind, but I heard the words you did it to yourself. And that that very moment was, was a moment for me, you know, to start taking responsibility for me. I didn't know what the hell, where the hell all that noise came from. I could have been that horse, but if I advertise that too much, people wanted to to lock me up. No, I'm just kidding. But, um, but that did happen. I mean I heard those words and I mean it didn't, it came from somewhere. And uh, so that moment I started, uh, you know, that kind of was a little bit of a tipping point right there. I mean there was other ways that I was ready, but that kind of uh, but that kind of that kind of began my, my change. You know and and and you know addictions I'll come back to horses in just a minute, in just a second.

Speaker 2: 8:34

But all of this behavior that we do, it's it's just in an effort to, because we're kind of afraid of how we feel and we don't know it's okay to feel bad. You know, if I would have known that as a young person, I mean, I don't, I don't. I don't think the goal is to be happy all the time, to feel good all the time At least. It's certainly not to feel good all the time, because here's the bottom line on that the things that have brought me the most joy and peace and really happiness. Okay, and I'm not knocking happiness, I'm just saying I don't think the goal should be to feel good all the time, because the most joy and happiness and really peace that I've felt in my soul was a result of things that didn't feel good. Matter of fact, there was a lot of discomfort involved. You know they were pretty discomfort. There was a lot of discomfort involved. You know, like discipline is, is an is a perfect example. We go through a little bit of discomfort Most of it's mental, some of it can be physical to get a bigger result in the end. And so constantly going after this feel good all the time. I think it's worth it, it's worth to consider.

Speaker 2: 9:41

But I'm coming back to horses. Horses, um, there's so many parallels, and that's what we teach in stable living. Coaching is all the parallels that horses have with human behavior, and I'll give you just a couple. One is is that horses are just so in tune with us. In other words, if you come to the barn with a secret, you don't have a secret. I mean the word's out. You think you're going to keep it under your hat and everything's going to be fine. They know. They know what's going on. You got a little bit of fear, you got a little bit of anger, you got a little bit of unresolved this and that and the other. It's going to come out. They are so perceptive. They don't have a brain, we don't communicate in the same way. So they are so locked in on you or whoever they're interacting with, just because of the nature of the way, of the beast that they are, of the creature that they are, that they are in tune with everything that's coming out of us, everything right. And so a lot of times I think we're not really aware that the people in our lives, how much really they're picking up, we don't know that they're picking up what we're putting down really, and it's a. It's an interesting thing to think about, because what truly is inside of us, you know it's coming out. We might not think it is.

Speaker 2: 11:05

I used to. I used to think it was a crock of shit, really, I'll tell you. I used to think that, hey, it doesn't matter what I think about me, I can still treat you and the rest of the world the way I want to. I'm separating that. I'm over here doing my own thing and what I do out there is separate. Okay, I don't need to take care of this, right.

Speaker 2: 11:27

And I really rejected the idea that I needed to like myself in order to, you know, love the other people. I'm like no, I don't. And I couldn't grasp the idea that I needed it. How could I accept me when I wasn't? Really I felt like that was like settling for not getting the goal, you know. And so that was a hard lesson to learn.

Speaker 2: 11:54

A hard lesson to learn, and it is for a lot of people to understand that, to the degree that that that we accept and forgive ourselves is to the degree that we can forgive and accept and love other people, horses are these amazing examples of of, uh, of true forgiveness, of true forgiveness, of true forgiveness. And what I mean by that is when I, or people or human beings, interact with a horse. That's a relationship, right, that's an interaction, that's a relationship, and in a relationship, things are not going to be perfect because we're human beings and they're horses. Or if it's me and a human being, certainly we all know that, that everything, something's not going to go well. Right, we're going to do something we wish we wouldn't have With a horse. Let's just say, for example, that I I'm either going to do something that I wish I wouldn't have because of I had a, I reacted on an emotion and then I regretted and I'm like I shouldn't have done it quite that way. That wasn't a real thoughtful thing. I wish I would have done it different.

Speaker 2: 12:59

Or a lot of times with horses, we do things we just don't understand. We think we're communicating, but they're just they don't get it, and we're doing the best that they can, so sometimes it's out of ignorance, the horse. A lot of times we'll perceive that to be unfair. They're, they're confused, they're trying to figure it out, I don't know what the hell's going on, or regardless of which way it comes, in other words, regardless it's a, it's a reaction, cause you just you lost your temper or you got a little bit impatient, or you're just doing the best you can and you don't understand. You don't, you're, you don't have the knowledge to be able to communicate. Well, okay. So as they perceive that to be unfair, they react to that. They're not just going to roll down, they're not going to. They have a boundary. Okay, they're not just going to throw themselves in front of the bus and just say, okay, just be a doormat. You know you can do whatever the hell you want. It doesn't matter. That's not how they go about it. They will. They will try to defend themselves and they'll try to react. In a way.

Speaker 2: 14:01

Here's the what I mean by forgiveness, the moment. Okay, that I recognize I changed my knowledge to. I'm like, oh, wow, no wonder he didn't understand what I was doing. Now I can change what I was doing and go back and get a clear communication, and then this whole interaction is going to go better. Or if I recognize, oh, you know what, I got impatient, I acted too fast, he couldn't assimilate, understand that.

Speaker 2: 14:27

At that rate, whatever the thing is, I try to fix it. Okay, I go back and I fix it. Now the horse is like last time it didn't go this way. He's like okay, you do so immediate. It doesn't happen immediately, okay, but one. It doesn't take very long to build the trust back up with the horse. Usually it only takes about three times. Okay, in most cases it takes three times.

Speaker 2: 14:51

I go back with the new thing and what happens after? That is the magical part and that is, it's gone. In other words, there is no residue. There's no. Hey, I remember that time, you know that time five years ago when you did that thing, and the thing of it is is like we know that we don't want to do that to people, but a lot of times we're doing the damn the same thing to ourselves. You know we, we have this stuff that we've done, this shame residue about things that we've done that we really haven't fully resolved, that we're just kind of holding on to and it still keeps coming out in little ways if we're not, you know, if it isn't fully resolved and if we're not aware of it, and it it comes out in ways it's so important. It comes out in ways that affect everything in our lives, everything. So, anyway, there's a couple examples.

Speaker 1: 15:50

Anyway, examples, I think you touched on something hugely important. I talk about it in my book and it's the difference between happiness and joy, because I remember looking for happiness Right and thinking I should be happy all the time. Why am I not happy all the time? And, as someone with depression, you know like that's, that's the goal right, to be happy all the time. Why am I not happy all the time? And as someone with depression, you know like that's that's the goal right To be happy. But I realized that happiness in itself is not a long-term sustainable thing, because it's a chemical reaction like oxytocin, you know, goes off in your brain serotonin, whatever you know all the different chemicals and boom. That creates happiness. And I realized that what I was actually searching for was joy in the sense of it being a mindset versus an emotion, and so that's what to me, that's what helped me get through, like the discipline right and being like, even though things are, you know, not going well right now. Though things are, you know, not going well right now, they can work out, there's hope. At the end, there is something, and so, versus trying to be happy and happy and happy and feeling happy all the time, I was able to, through gratitude, shift to a joy perspective, and so I don't necessarily have to be happy all the time. But you're good Like, you're content, you're not sad, you're not searching for something. You're good, right, you're grateful for what you have and that makes a huge difference, right? Because I asked in my book, like what is life all about? Sex, drugs and rock and roll? Like, no right. Like are we just looking for happiness at the bottom of a bottle? You and I both know that doesn't work.

Speaker 1: 17:33

And I grew up surrounded by alcoholics. So, like, I've seen it in my grandparents, my aunts, my dad, like everyone, I had some experiences with that. And so I got to see probably a lot of the things you're talking about, you know, from a kid's perspective, and I saw that playing out in the adults and I was like, you know, these are bad choices, these are bad things. And so I had to learn. And I had a choice.

Speaker 1: 18:00

I could either, because of the things I endured with the alcoholism, I could go and become an alcoholic. I could start drinking to, you know, drown out the noise, or I could do the opposite, right, and I barely drink, like I don't even like it, like hungover, I don't want to be hungover, like that sucks, you know, so it wasn't worth it to me. So I'm like I don't even want to have a drink because the hangover is not worth it. But just, you know, learning those little things and and really understanding joy not as an emotion. That was so important for me, and I want to hear your perspective on this. Um, what do you think about that? Joy as a mindset versus an emotion like happiness?

Speaker 2: 18:43

yeah, yeah, it's a great point. I really appreciate that story. It's so, it's interesting and I agree with you a lot of things in that that you know there's a lot of things that, if you think about it, we don't want to feel good all the time. Anyway, when somebody does something to me, that that is a that I want to be angry about injustice you know, and and I want to feel grief and sad over loss and and things like that.

Speaker 2: 19:10

But until I become really conscious of that, I I think it's just it's so important to be the things that we're going for that are hurting us. We're going, we're doing these things to change how we feel and how we fail. To start with a lot of times it's just not that bad. It's worth like feeling life instead of like numbing out and trying not to. You know, just to be present in life, in that, in those what we call negative emotions, and just to feel it and be it and realize. You know, what I've come to realize is that emotions I mean, um, most of them, they're just not that bad. You know the, the fear of them and the try to escape and the. You know all those things that lead up to how awful it's going to be. And then you know all those thoughts, and then they add thoughts and then feelings on top of that, just trying to escape, how this thing's going to feel because it feels so bad. And I'm like, when I have learned, is that, you know, first of all, I, I can expect to. I want to be able to feel my life, the good, the bad, the sad, the happy, and and I think that, um, and I know that joy comes from the things that really bring us peace and long-term joy in our lives I think it's just a step up. It's kind of a state of being in my mind that joy is more of a long-term thing. Happy is kind of a, like you said, a feeling thing, kind of in the moment that's based on a thought, and joy is also based on a thought, but I think it's an upgrade feeling that we get of pride and admiration and really, at its core, what it's coming from is the same, the most important thing that I talk about, and that is what each one of us truly believes to be true about ourselves, about ourselves.

Speaker 2: 21:16

What do you, what do you, as a listener to this show, believe to be true about you? What is like, who are you, what? What are you at your core? And if you don't know, it's a really good question to contemplate, um, of of really what you believe about you. Because, like I said earlier, if you're not intentional about and prioritizing beliefs because here's the thing, guess what I mean what? If you could believe anything you want to do about you? I mean anything bar none. And what if you could accept the idea that whatever that was is going to have more impact on your results and your outcomes in this lifetime than any other thing? Because here's the thing I said this and here's what I mean.

Speaker 2: 22:02

I don't believe that committing to a loving relationship, an unconditional loving relationship with yourself, is a good idea. I don't think it's a good idea. I think it's our duty and our responsibility as human beings, and here's why, unless we do, we are not going to be able to have the capacity to fully give and love the people that we deeply care about and reach more of our potential and make our contribution to the world that we are here on this short time to be able to give. I think that committing and thinking about and being aware of what we believe to be true about ourselves if you come down to it, the things that you don't like, that you're doing about yourself right now, today, this week, last week, last month and last year and five years ago those things are rooted in what you believe about you.

Speaker 2: 22:55

A lot of it's rooted in shame. A lot of it's just random thoughts that got input into your mind. Some of it's trauma, and you know what. It doesn't really matter where it comes from. What matters is is you can change what you believe. We get to believe whatever we want if we choose to, and my deal is, and my program is, is habits to develop beliefs that you want to believe on purpose in your lifetime so that you enhance not only your life but everyone you come in contact with. And that, I think, really is the foundation and the core of of personal development, and I think it's the most important thing because it just it impacts everything else, and we get to be able to change. We can change it to be whatever we want if we become aware of it and decide to do something yeah, and that's going to bring us joy.

Speaker 2: 23:48

By the way, long answer. That's where the joy is going to come from, because let me just tell you something. Let me last comment on this. I'm sorry I did cut you off, but the thing is the more that I here's what I used to hate myself. Okay, I used to despise me for the things that I did. I had so much shame, and we all get to experience shame. We've all done some things. Okay, we've done some stuff. Okay, we've done, I've done some stuff. We're not going to talk about it all today. Okay, you don't want to hear it and I don't want to say it again. Okay, but we, to some degree, we all have something. You know, some of us have a lot and some of it's more egregious and some of it's not.

Speaker 2: 24:26

But you know what we're making meaning, whether we're, whether we know it or not. We're making meaning about what that means, about us, things that I have done, things that have been done to me. I'm making meaning about what happens every day. We all think that you know confidence. Oh, yeah, I got that when I was a young kid and I can prove it because you see her over there All what she's doing and see how she's bringing all that attention to herself? Low confidence, not me, I did that. This thing about confidence, it's happening right now to you and me.

Speaker 2: 24:59

Okay, and here's how it goes. I'm going through life. Whoops, you said something to me. What does that mean? Oh, that didn't feel too good. What does that mean about me? Oh, somebody pat me on the back, or I did this and that at work, or somebody you know whatever. And we're constantly having this input throughout our lifetime. Ok, this constant input. And if we're not intentional about deciding what it means about us, it's being decided for us. And here's the thing what it is being decided for us is not what is serving us best for us. And here's the thing what it is being decided for us is not what is serving us best, for sure.

Speaker 1: 25:38

Yes, I love that. I love that. And you know what, like you said, those emotions, those feelings, those thoughts, they're still going to be there, like if you drink or if you try to numb them out. They're still going to be there. So the only way to get past it is to go through it. And that's exactly what you're talking about, so that you don't have to numb yourself out anymore. You know, and yeah, because they're there, they're just waiting for you to come back around.

Speaker 1: 26:07

And now you, like you said in the beginning, now you have compounding problems because you did stuff that wasn't nice or, you know, you push people away, you just you do terrible things and and now you have more of a problem. So, yes, yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's not as scary to stand. I always like to think of it. It looks like a wall and it's a big, scary wall, and you're like I can't go through this. But as soon as you touch it, you realize it's just a sheet and it moves and then you can go through it, you know. So it's just more intimidating. It, those emotions can be like right, because we built this up in our head and then we actually confront it and we're like you know what? I thought that was going to be a lot worse.

Speaker 2: 27:00

Um, so yeah that is a great analogy of the and I'm in my sheet that I just visualized when I heard your story.

Speaker 2: 27:08

It has a bricks, bricks on it printed on this sheet and I'm looking at a brick wall. There is no way I can't go through this. You know there is no way. When you talk about going through I don't know, one of the things that came to me that I thought of was you know, we talk about, talk about healing. You know we we talk about going through and we talk about healing and the way that I define healing, the past.

Speaker 2: 27:35

Okay, trauma and trauma can be anything from you know, serious abuse to you know something that just really hurt our feelings and kind of change what we thought about ourselves could be. It doesn't have to be a felony. You know what I'm saying. Trauma is a little bit different for different people. I'm not, and so, trauma or not, the things that we make meaning out of and healing and going through, going through things to me and coming out and changing to me what that means is my definition of healing and going through things is going back and rewriting the past, because you can change the past. You can't change the circumstances, but you can change what that meant and, most importantly, you can change what it meant about you. You can change your meaning, what you made it mean.

Speaker 2: 28:29

Here's the thing that you know, like I said about that, we've all have get to experience shame, which means shame, by the way, means you did something that you're interpreting that means that you are less than you did something.

Speaker 2: 28:49

That means that you are deficient.

Speaker 2: 28:56

You did something that means that you are deficient, that you are defective in some way, you are inferior because of what you did, and that's why my habits and my plea to commit to this relationship really is based in the idea that, and really my message to the world and what I want to say to you and all your listeners today is that, regardless of what you have done and I, you hear me, I mean regardless of what you have done, okay, regardless and regardless of what has been done to you, regardless, you are 100%, invaluable, priceless, worthy, deserving of everything, all the bounty, all the goodness, all the abundance of everything that's available in this world, in this magnificent place that we have for the short time that we have to be here, and the more that you can really know that and believe it and accept it about yourself, the better experience that you're going to have here. And I'm telling you it's true, if you can't buy into it yourself, just believe me and give it a shot and consider it. I'm just asking you to consider the idea.

Speaker 1: 30:21

I love that. That is beautiful and it's so true and it's all, it's all in our perspective, right? Just all such important topics. Like you, you are just a goldmine, like absolutely amazing, shane. Now, because you are a goldmine, people want to know how can they stay in touch with you, and you did mention you had a gift for the listeners, so can you tell us a little bit about that?

Speaker 2: 30:44

Yeah, thank you so much. I really appreciate the opportunity to share this with anybody who's interested. Once a week I just have a short it's like usually three to five minutes max video. We talk about horses and humans. It's fun and it's inspiring, and so you can sign up for that at. It's called I call my weekly video. You Are Destined for Greatness and you can sign up for you Are Destined for Greatness. It just shows up in your inbox. Once a week Three minute video, totally free, no obligation. Inbox once a week three minute video, totally free, no obligation. But, uh, check that out at stablelivingcoachingcom.

Speaker 2: 31:18

stable like stable yep stable living coaching.

Speaker 1: 31:21

Oh, like the little plaque on on the wall behind you slc stable living coaching. And that makes sense, right, because it's like it's almost even like a dad joke, because it's stable, like your emotions are stable, but also like a horse stable. Oh, that's smart. That is pretty smart. I love it. How can we stay in touch with you on social media?

Speaker 2: 31:43

Yeah, we're everywhere. Stable Living Coaching is on Facebook, instagram, tiktok and YouTube. Those are the best places. If you don't like them, you can go to X and all the rest. That is places. If you don't like them, you can go to X and all the rest, that is awesome.

Speaker 1: 31:55

If you don't like them, well, there's tons of options there. So hopefully so they'll like one of those options, right, thank you so much, shane. Now, final tip, although the one, the last one you just gave us, I think might be the one, but do you have any final tips for the audience as we're signing off?

Speaker 2: 32:12

I do. I'm going to give you just one, okay, just one. It's simple, you've heard it, but I'm going to make it a little bit easier to do. Okay, cause I talk about. I have five main skills to learn. Okay, because changing your belief is a learnable skill. You can learn to change, to become, to believe, truly believe whatever you want to about yourself. And I'm going to give you the uh say, uh, an outline, a skeleton, a short version of the first skill.

Speaker 2: 32:41

Okay, and the first skill is to think and speak kindly about yourself. Okay, so the first step is noticing um, such a. I can't believe I did that. I'm bad with names. What's the matter with me? I suck at this. You know what I'm saying. I can't hold my whatever together. Whatever, it is okay.

Speaker 2: 33:03

It is just to become aware of things that you're saying, okay, and to be aware of it, okay. And then, when you, when, when you hear it, okay, so a thought is a sentence or a phrase that goes through your mind. It doesn't come out of your mouth and you just think it. Okay, that's a thought, a sentence or a phrase that goes through your mind If you, if you hear a thought inside your mind, or if the words come out of your mouth and you're aware of it, replace it with something that is positive. And here's how you determine if it's good to keep or if it's not. Okay. Here's your measure of is this good or bad or does it matter? Here's how you know your measure is. Is this something that I would think, that I would want to think, or that I would want to say to someone that I deeply love? Because here's the deal. If you wouldn't, don't be saying they're thinking about yourself. Replace it with a new thought.

Speaker 2: 34:00

Okay, I like to keep a little list. This is not a big project. You can do this whole thing in five minutes a day. I have a little list on my phone. It's got pluses, it's got a green and it's got minuses and a red over here, and I just and it's just a few things a day. If I, if I hear myself or same, I'm getting pretty good at it, you know cause I like myself more of it and I make this list of just a few things a day and at the end of the day, if the red, if the negative is longer, I fill in the rest of the. I come up with them, I make positive statements. And then I one up and I add one more plus on the plus side. Ok, just that habit alone will begin to change what you believe inside your core about you. So just think about that. Start there.

Speaker 1: 34:55

I love that, and I usually talk about practicing gratitude, but this is such a neat twist on that practice and so I absolutely love it. I think that it is. That's just that's so fun, and really it's all about perspective, right, because, like we are amazing, we just don't. We don't give ourselves the opportunity to see it.

Speaker 2: 35:07

Here's the deal. There is one individual that you're going to spend more time with than anyone else for your remaining time here on Earth. So why and it's you OK you're going to be spending all your time with you more than anybody else, so why wouldn't you want to have that a great relationship? I highly recommend it.

Speaker 1: 35:30

You know, I had to have that conversation with myself too, as we're signing off here. One day I had that talk with myself and I was like, if somebody that you knew, if your friend, talked to you the way that you're talking to yourself right now, would you be friends with them? And I was like, no, and I'm like, so you need to fix that. Like, how do we fix that right? And so, yeah, yeah, and so that is. That was where that journey started for me. But, very similar to what you said, you know, if I love one, would I say this to a loved one? No, then why are you saying it to yourself? You are your loved one. Hello, your first loved one. All right, well, thank you so much for joining us, shane. This has been an absolutely amazing episode. Uh, we appreciate your vulnerability and your amazing advice, because this has been absolutely great. Like I said, you are an absolute goldmine and we will catch you guys next time on the next episode of overcome yourself. Bye bye.

Speaker 2: 36:24

Thank you, nicole thank you.