Overcome Yourself The Podcast With Nicole Tuxbury

From Burnout To Self-Leadership with Jen Hardy

Nicole

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Burnout wears many masks: excellence, loyalty, grit. We open the door on what happens when those masks crack—and how to rebuild a life that performs without falling apart. Our guest, Jen Hardy, went from state-champion coach to sleeping in her car between practices, then chose a different path that now helps high-stress professionals become strong from the inside out.

We talk about seasonality—why sprint mode is useful but dangerous when it becomes an identity—and how the body broadcasts overload with headaches, insomnia, ear ringing, and that 3 p.m. cliff we pretend is normal. Jen breaks down the nervous system’s fight, flight, and freeze, explaining why collapse isn’t laziness but the bottom of hypervigilance. You’ll learn simple, durable recovery practices that fit real schedules: a 20-minute walk, a slow morning ritual, and micro-boundaries that protect sleep and attention without adding more pressure.

From there, we get tactical. Jen shares the “future self” approach—packing the bag at night, simplifying wardrobe, prepping the laptop—so mornings demand fewer decisions and more presence. We dig into gratitude with nuance: go beyond lists and into the why, savoring details that teach your body to feel safe and satisfied. That shift beats the goalpost creep of the hedonic treadmill and helps you recognize the wins you used to pray for.

If you’re tired of white-knuckling your days, this conversation offers a reset: acceptance before awareness, small systems over big heroics, and self-leadership that honors limits while expanding capacity. Tap the links to grab Jen’s free drama quiz, book list, and question prompts at MotiveAction.academy, and if you’re ready for deeper support, explore coaching and workshops. If this resonated, follow, share with a friend who needs relief, and leave a quick review to help more high-stress pros find a healthier way to win.

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SPEAKER_00

Hello there and welcome back to the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast. As you know, my name is Nicole, and I'm so excited to be here today with Jen. And Jen helps

Meet Jen And Her Mission

SPEAKER_00

high achievers. And we're talking about like coaches all the way down to first responders. And so we're talking about very high stress uh leaders, you know, that she works with. And so I'm super excited to dive in today with her. So, Jen, I'm not gonna butcher what you do anymore. I want you to go ahead and take it away and please let us know a little bit about who you are and who you help.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, well, I appreciate it. First of all, thank you for having me. Very exciting. I love good conversations. So yay for that. Um, so my name is Jen Hardy. I'm the COO at the Academy of Motive Action with my best friend and business partner, Irina Alexander, and we support high stress professionals, like

From Champion Coach To Collapse

SPEAKER_01

you said, from executives to first responders to educators to healthcare, high stress. You know, anybody who is just go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, and their nervous system and their mind are just on overdrive and they're noticing life is starting to fall apart, right? So we say we train the human behind the title, right? So we're more focused on self-leadership versus where most people are just on leadership. How do we hold it together enough to figure out how to lead the people and how do you lead others? But there's just so little focus on how do I lead myself, how do I take care of myself. So that's where we come in.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, um, because those high stress situations, um, I work with someone that works in healthcare. Um, and so you know, those are the long shifts, and it's there's so many, there's so many different angles that I want to go. Like all the thoughts are are coming up at once. But talk to me about your journey to getting to this spot because working with um, you know, with these high stress, high achievers, um, I feel like there's a journey back there. So can you tell us a little bit about how you overcame yourself and now you get to do, you get to like help superheroes basically from from the descriptions you gave me. So tell me a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I feel like to your point, there's like so many elements and so many pieces of the story, um, but to focus on some of the pivotal moments. So I was a public educator and high school soccer coach, uh, state championship coach, good at what I did, right? And the year after we won state, when we're working our way back to it here in Texas, um, I had been sleeping in my car for two to three hours during my planning period andor lunch just to survive the day. And after a couple of weeks and right smack in the middle of playoffs, there was just this very strong awareness of like, I'm not okay, this is not okay, this is not normal. This is not just it's just season, it's just playoff season, which is what a lot of people will tell you. Or, you know, I mean, my boyfriend right now is in, it's they're in their season as he calls it. Like he jokes with me about that because of where they're at with performance and compliance and getting things out. And I'm like, yeah, but this is not normal, you know, it's another level of exhaustion that just isn't functional. And I had gone to just general Western med before I started getting into more functional med and taking care of myself holistically. And like, oh, well, you know, you have Epstein Barr virus,

Medicine, Fatigue, And A Hard No

SPEAKER_01

it's showing up as chronic fatigue, and you're gonna be on antivirals for the rest of your life. And we need you to at least take Willibutrin for the next few weeks just so you can basically survive your season. And I was like, no. Like, I have no desire to be on an antiviral for the rest of my life, nor do I want to take Willibutrin. Um, with that said, I did take both for about six weeks because I could not survive. I mean, I still had six weeks of season left, and I really truly did not know how I was gonna make it. And it did help me get through, and I immediately stopped once season was over, and I was like, okay, something's gotta change, something's gotta shift. Um, that's where I say my holistic Western medicine going out the door, starting to talk about like the impact of our food, the impact of our rest, the impact of our mental capacity, the impact of

Choosing Holistic Change And Support

SPEAKER_01

our emotions, all of those things really started to uncover themselves for me. It was like, oh, I need a change. Well, what change is that? And I started taking the steps towards what can I do for myself. I think like most people, right? You start reading the books, you start doing the research, you start trying to take, you know, you change your diet, you change this, you change that until you get to a point where you can no longer help yourself. You can only see as far as your perception will allow. And eventually you're gonna need someone to come in and challenge your perception, right? And so at that point, that's when I stepped into some more self-development, personal development, and really started to get others to challenge my perception of reality and how things were going. And that just opened up a whole new world, which led me where I'm headed now. Um, so I'm gonna pause there because there's like a whole nother set of stories that could go there.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. No, so what I was trying to articulate, um, you know, before you told us that I think you did such a good job of explaining it. Um there are seasons where we've got to go, go, go, right? Like you said, playoffs. You like you you make the playoffs like now's not the time to chill out. Like now's the time to get back to fundamentals and really just be a hundred percent all the time. But it is a season, and those seasons are not sustainable long term, you know. Like, even like think of you know, school when you were preparing for exams or you know, like the annual reviews are coming up, or you've got to do inventory. We have seasons where we've got to go, but we can't live at that level. Um, it's just not sustainable. Like it's it like we can't. And as women, um we we do this to ourselves. We have so many jobs that we have to handle, um, you know, that are not necessarily work, but it's still work that has to be done. And where do you go when all the wheels are spinning, right? And so I love how you you articulate having help. You have to reach out. You need a team, you need a team that specializes in all the different things. Um, and looking at things before they break all the way. Can you talk to me a little bit about that? About that, because I found that with you know medicine, it's not until that thing is broken that they'll really take it seriously. But, you

Seasons Of Push Versus Sustainability

SPEAKER_00

know, what about focusing on things before they break to keep them from breaking? Um, what does that have to do with rest and with slowing down and with high achievers?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, to your point, like if we just keep our foot on the gas, if we just stay quote unquote in season and we don't give those rest and recuperation or find the hacks that work for us to recoup and refill our cup along the way. You're right. Your body will take you out. It's like mine did me, right? It's like, oh, you're not gonna slow down? Fine, here you go. And I think that's happening to us more than we're realizing it, except that

Normalize Rest, Not Symptoms

SPEAKER_01

we're normalizing, right? We're normalizing a migraine that happens every day. We're normalizing, oh, I hit that 3 p.m. slump. We're normalizing that happens every single day. We're normalizing, well, I'm not sleeping very well, but it's like, you know, I'll just take more of this and more of that. Even if it is holistic, I'll just take more melatonin and more valerian root, right? You know, I'm I'm still exhausted no matter how much sleep I get. My my bone, my bones are achy, right? There's just all these things that we keep saying are just normal. And we're learning more and more and more the more science that comes out. This shit's not normal. This is your body screaming at you, but we're not slowing down to notice, like, oh, what is this headache or migraine actually trying to communicate? Right? Or even tinnitus, like getting a little buzz in your ear. My mother got that for a long time. My boyfriend gets that sometimes. This horrible eye twitch that starts happening. Like your body is communicating with you constantly about when things are not okay, when things are not working, when it's becoming too much overloading. But I I do also acknowledge and recognize that we live in a society that defines us by productivity. So there's like this shame, this guilt, and this also like just fear and anxiety of slowing down of what am I gonna find? What am I gonna discover? What am I gonna have to confront, face, deal with, and all of the things that come along with that.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. And then how do how do we deal with that? Like, what are your tips for someone who's like this is too much? How do we slow down?

SPEAKER_01

I mean, honestly,

Spotting Patterns And The Freeze

SPEAKER_01

you have to start getting aware of your patterns first. Right? Like, because otherwise it's really easy to just fall into freeze, right? Because we have that fight, we have that flight, and we're in one of those two. We're in this hyper-vigilant state of go, go, go, go, go, or like, uh. But then, and myself, I can speak from experience. We end up in freeze where we're not coping, but we're not collapsing. We're just kind of in the middle. And for me, that ended up looking like hours and hours and hours on the couch. And yes, I'm an I'm a solopreneur, entrepreneur. So like my day is my schedule, but I don't want to be on the couch for four or five hours watching TV. Like that does not recover me. But I found myself stuck in this loop of that's what was happening because I felt like I couldn't do anything else. Like it was, and I've also learned that that's the bottom end, the the bottom rung, the bottom of the roller coaster of hypervigilance, right? You're up here so high that when you get a chance to finally stop and slow down, you it's almost like you're just not even functional. Like you're just numb and not even there. And so it's it's reassociating to the emotions, it's reassociating into the pain and the feelings and what they are. It's starting to recognize what patterns trigger me, you know, what stuff sends me into. For me, it was like what sends me into I have to go prove it, right? I have to work harder to prove myself, prove myself, prove myself, prove myself. Like, where are you doing stuff for recognition and justification and acknowledgement and visibility versus joy and and noticing when it just pushes you? So I I come back to teaching and coaching, you know, back when in in 2009, they went on a hiring freeze in education in Texas. And my father was like, you know, be so valuable they can't consider letting you go. Because I was considered a new teacher. And um normally that would be great advice in many in many capacities. But for me, that sent a childhood part of me into overdrive, who was already constantly trying to prove her worth and prove her value into like yes syndrome, as I call it, like just yes to everything, until it ended up with what I just said, where I'm sleeping in my car and I'm chronic fatigue, Epstein Barr, having to take medication on a won't take. So pattern recognition of when you get kicked off into these ways of being that you know don't work for you, noticing when you're not following your joy and you're following all these other things. And when you do slow down, are you able to slow down and recover, read a book, go for a walk, take exercise, paint, whatever it is for you, or do you notice you just fall into a slump? And if you do, notice that you're probably in the freeze, the bottom element of hypervigilance, and you might need some port, some support to like, okay, I need practice, I need skills, I need, I need to put in, I need to implement something that has me be intentional about my recovery. And it can be as simple as go for 20 minutes of a walk every day.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. And imagine just how tired your whole body was. Like after all of that time, all of that sleep that you didn't get, all of the stress as a teacher, as a coach, like high performing. Like you said, you guys went to states. You needed time, like your body needs time. Um, I know when I finally got to a safe place, it took me years of recovery. My body was just so tired. And learning, you know, about myself, relearning um, you know, everything, everything from the signals that your body sends. Because especially if you've been through trauma, if you've been through through

Tiny Systems That Save Future You

SPEAKER_00

terrible situations, you might have to relearn all those things. You might have to relearn how to eat. Like I found myself relearning how to eat. How do we add vegetables and breakfast and lunch and dinner? How do we eat fruits? Um, and literally just going back to the basics. And like you said, taking inventory. Um, because all of those things matter, like what you're eating, the your sleep routines. Like, are you just like waiting until the last moment where your eyes are just falling asleep? It's three o'clock in the morning and then your alarm is going off at six. Well, that's that's what that's one of the reasons why you're tired. But if you're also only eating potato chips and ice cream, that's probably another reason you're very tired, right? And so taking inventory and really looking at, like you said, your habits, your patterns, um, and looking at how you can be more efficient in the things that you do. Um, you know, because maybe you do something out of habit. You've just done it this way this whole time. And now there's technology that can help you. Um, and it just takes a little learning curve. And then, you know, you you start using the dishwasher and you're you create a habit of always having clean dishes versus letting them pile up and tiny little things um that help us be more productive, but help us be a little lazier too.

SPEAKER_01

I actually want to say something in that because I love that. I I don't remember where did I read that? I think I read it in 10x is better than 2x with Benjamin Hardy, or it might have been one of their other ones, but it was basically to what you're speaking to. It's set your future self up for success. Yes. And this is the reason you see people like Tony Robbins or um gosh, I can't even remember who else it is. Dean, his Dean guy that is on his side. Yeah, like they literally wear the same thing pretty much. Like you see, some of the most successful people in the world will always wear the same thing. They just have a closet full of the same black shirt and the same black pants because it's one less thing to think about. It's one less thing to overload the mind and it sets their future self up for success. Or, you know, if I have a trip for business, like I'm or I know I have to get up at 6 a.m. to go host a workshop, like I'm packing my bag the night before and making sure my laptop's ready to go. I'm laying out my clothes the night before. I want to think about that shit in the morning. Like I want to be completely focused on showing up as the best version of myself to be who I say I'm going to be when I show up. So yeah, I mean, yes.

SPEAKER_00

I love that. And actually, I call that leaving surprises for myself. Um, because I'm so good at forgetting, I'll do something and forget about it. So, like, I'll do stuff for work, like in Canva. And then I'll be like, oh, I have to put together this presentation. I'll go in Canva. I'll be like, what is this? And it's a whole presentation's already done. I'm like, oh my God, you're amazing. Um, thank you, Paz Nicole. You know, so I call it leaving surprises for myself. And it's so exciting. You walk into the kitchen and you're like, there's no dishes, like they're all done. Oh my god, you're awesome, Paz Nicole.

SPEAKER_01

Um, I'm gonna keep going there if you don't mind, because I there's another I'm reading this, I'm reading Already Free by Bruce Tift

Gratitude With Specificity And Why

SPEAKER_01

right now, and he really talks a lot about um, oh gosh, self, selfishness, basically. But in this case, he talks about it in the sense of taking such good care of yourself, right? And I feel like what you're speaking to is like on another level of taking care of yourself. So you don't have to stress and get all anxious about it and you get to thank your past self, right? Because when we take really good care of ourselves, then we get to actually be there the way we want to be there for the people we actually want to show up for, the people we want to care for, the people we we want to be who we say we are in front of, right? When we take, when we're selfish about how we take care of ourselves, we have more capacity to be the human we desire to be.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And it's like being high maintenance so you can be low maintenance, right? You know, like washing your hair and then blow drying it, and then the rest of the week, I ain't got I just gotta brush it and then I move on with my life, right? And so I'm high maintenance because I'm blow drying my hair, but then the rest of the week I'm like no maintenance because I ain't gonna look at that dude anymore until you know, until the next time I gotta wash it. So yeah, little little things like that. And then you're always ready, right? You always look prim and proper. Um, and then you feel confident in going out, and it's just, it's just like these, it's like a snowball, but it's a good snowball, right? Because you're just like like doing little tiny, tiny little things um that add up. And then they just help you feel better, look better, be more you know, grateful. Talk to me about gratitude, because that's like my big thing. Um, so I want to know with these high achievers that you work with, do you are you teaching them about gratitude? Because we think high achievers, doctors, and first responders, and they've got it all together, right? But um, are you teaching them about gratitude too? Or is it just us, you know, here that are learning down here? I know the answer, but I want you to tell me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Uh, you know, I think everyone knows from a just a general informative standpoint at this point with research, like how useful gratitude is. But I don't think a lot of people actually practice it. I don't think people actually take time to practice it. And when it comes to a high achievers, when it comes to people who are in those spaces, there's a nuance, there's a couple of nuances to add to it. Because a lot of us just say, practice gratitude, write down three things you're grateful for. Boom, right? Take two minutes to think of three things you're grateful for. The nuance that is important to me is why. Because I could say I'm grateful for the sun, for the roof over my head, and clean food. Cool. That was easy, boom, checked off the list and I'm done. But did I get to experience the gratitude? Because it's not just about the list you make and writing it down and like like verbally acknowledging it, it's spending time with it. It's spending time with what about that? Are you grateful for? Like, I love my coffee and my book first thing in the morning. Why? Because it sets my mind in like this completely calm, rested, like focused space. I mean, it gives me time to really like settle into myself for the day. I I feel calmer, I'm not rushed, right? So, like, I I mean, I don't just love my coffee and my book in the morning. I love my coffee, my book, and my slow morning because of how it makes me feel for the rest of the day. And I know how much more I get done all day, right? So it's it's I could say I love the roof over my head, but why? How specifically, in what way, you know, and really getting into the emotion behind it, the feeling behind it. That's what brings the energy of gratitude that the research has done and is actually impacting us. Second nuance. Is that I think high achievers are always looking for the next goalpost. Right. Or they hit the goalpost so they just push the goalpost further, right? The hedonic triadmill. And so it's really important to remember to go be grateful for everything you've overcome, every milestone you've already hit, to remind yourself where you were, so that when you hit a point, you don't just and push past it, right? Because it's so easy to do that. So it's great, it's gratitude for, as we've always said, right? Gratitude for the journey. But are you getting detailed about the journey? Are you writing down the moments that it took you to get here? So that when you get here, if it's not as impactful as it should have been, then you can look back and realize, oh wait, you know, I I had a client who had a stroke and she's in her 60s. And about two years ago, a win for her was being able to sit up and drink water. Right? Literally just sit up and drink a glass of water. I just talked to her a couple weeks ago, and she was stressed out, frustrated, and anxious because she was living by herself but still wasn't able to cook herself

Resources, Tools, And Free Guides

SPEAKER_01

her own meal. She wasn't able to walk without a cane, she was in pain, she wasn't sure what she wanted to do with her future, but she wanted to live on her own and be able to cook her own meals. And she was like mad and frustrated. She's like, I really need some reframing. And I'm like, honey, 22 months ago, sitting up was a fucking win. And right now you're like mad because you can't walk without a cane. You're walking. You're living an assisted living. Who cares? Like you're living, you're walking, you're breathing, you're able to do things that 22 months ago were no possibility.

SPEAKER_00

That is powerful. Um just thinking about yeah, I've been there. I remember when I wrote my book, um, I couldn't get out of the bed. Like I literally had to drag myself, like, you know, the army crawl, my legs, I couldn't use them to just to go to the bathroom. Um, and it was it was painful, and I was crying and it was horrible. Um, and so I I can I can relate to that. Um, and I can also relate to being frustrated with what you prayed for. I think that's so important because I remember once I was in my house and I'm like, you know, I don't know, I was working on something. It was, I don't know, because I'm always doing something, right? I've got the podcast, I've got a blog, I've got a website, I've got clients. And I was like, oh, you're sitting here in your living room, you're wearing PJs, like you just don't have your glasses, you didn't even put contacts on. Like, what is this? And I was like, wait a second, you used to pray for this. You used to be like, oh my God, I wish I got to work from home. I wish I didn't have to worry about putting on all these uncomfortable clothes and having to drive 30 minutes and then sit in this office until somebody was like, Yeah, you can go home now. And I was like, So, how about you know, we focus on the fact that hey, I'm I get I get to do this, I get to be in my PJs, I get to be on my couch, I get to be working from my laptop and making things happen. And it's so easy to fall into that trap and not, like you said, move that goalpost. And and then the gratitude, I I love telling my clients, like what find the smallest, make it a game. Like, what's the tiniest, tiniest detail that you can find to be grateful for? Because I want I want you to train your brain. Because being grateful when things are going well, that's all good and dandy. Like that's easy to do, we can do it. But what happens when shit hits the fan? What happens when you have a stroke and now you're in assisted living, right? Where where do we find the hope? Well, it's the gratitude that helps us see, hey, you know what? I was praying just to be able to sit up and drink some water 22 months ago. And now I like, you know, I can kick some ass with my cane. Right. And like I it made me think of, and I'll send you the videos if I can find them. There are people that do videos of slow cooker meals for people who um, you know, are disabled and can't just stand at a stove for a really long time. And so it's just several cans that you throw in a slow cooker, and at the end of the day, you have your meal. Um, and so there's when you have that gratitude, you can go out and you can look and you can say, Oh my gosh, who is out there? I have a slow cooker, I can stand there for five minutes and dump some stuff out. Um, let's make some food, right? Um, and so I just think, you know, that that's just like a random example. Like I don't know, I don't know her situation exactly. But um, gratitude is what helps us find the joy in those moments, helps us change our perspective because that's what it is, right? Like we're looking at the same situation, we're just seeing and feeling and and understanding it differently. So I think that's just such a beautiful example. Um, so yeah, I just wanted to say that. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that. You're welcome. Thanks for asking. Yes, of course. Um, now you have some awesome. I don't know, there was a bunch of them. So talk to us about some of the resources that you have available to the audience who's listening and who wants to catch up with you, learn more from you. Uh, follow you on social media, tell us a little bit about it.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. Uh, so on our website, Academy, oh, I really almost did it backwards. Scratch that. MotiveAction.academy, which will be in the show notes. I'm not gonna try to spell it here, so I always mess it up. But on our website uh is every way you could possibly want to find us or get in touch with us, whether that be social media, email, phone, uh, schedule a discovery call, learn more about our programs. And yes, we have a free resources link that has multiple different things, like the drama quiz, which can teach you which role do you fall into typically the hero or the villain or the victim, and how is that impacting you? So coming back to something we said at the early part of the episode was how do you start to uncover some of the patterns? Well, starting to uncover some of the roles that you're playing is one way to uncover that pattern, right? That's the drama quiz. And then we also have um a book list, some of our favorite books and the unconventional question list if you want to learn how to ask better or deeper questions. And they're all free to download on our resources tab, and our media tab has all of our podcasts. My business partner and I that we've done separately, we're together. So this one will be on there eventually. Uh, but that's definitely the best place to find everything for us. I also do private coaching. So if you want to know more about that, it's on there or our workshops, our trainings, and how we support people in that way.

SPEAKER_00

That is amazing. Oh, I that sounds so much fun too, the drama quiz. Um, you know, like it's just so relatable, right? Like you could be like, all right, which one of these reality, you know, TV tropes do you fit? But it really helps us, right? It helps us in creating our content, it helps us in understanding ourselves. Um, it helps us in understanding our story. And, you know, if you're like the villain and you're like, I don't want to be the villain, well, go watch the movies of how the villain becomes a hero and see how that makes that work, right? Um, I love that so much. So before we sign off here, I want to know biggest tip like what is that that that thing that you tell your clients that gives them the biggest aha moment? Um, we want to know.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, um I guess what I want to say to that, especially because if there's people on here who are just starting to recognize that this is something they need to be aware of, or they're like, oh yeah, I'm really done

Acceptance Before Awareness

SPEAKER_01

with the way things are going. I want something new, I want something different. I'm tired, or God, is this all there is? Or I'm tired of being there for everybody else before myself. Just know that first of all, it there is no endpoint, there is no arrival, right? And we used to say the first step is awareness. I want to say the first step is actually acceptance, just like the 12-step program of alcohol, right? It's accepting the drama and the responsibility that you've been creating, whether you like it or not, as to how life is going. And and when you're willing to accept the role you've chosen to play in the movie you're currently in, the rate at which things will shift into the direction you desire is exponential. It's just that so many people are terrified because they're gonna have to experience some of the things they've spent their whole lives avoiding.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

But good god, is it worth it?

SPEAKER_00

It's so you're already you're already in the mud, right? If you're like stuck in that freeze response, you're in the mud. So you have an option. You can set up camp and just sit there and live amongst the muck and the dirt and you know, become like Shrek. Or you can face a head on and go through that forest and get to the other side. Um, and then you can be like, oh my god, that that was like, you know, that was like the Everglades. And look, this is all clean and this is nice, and there's houses up here. I don't have to live in the mud. Um, so yeah, that's what made me think of. I like it. Absolutely. I love it. Thank you so much, Jen. This has been absolutely amazing. You are so insightful. Um, and it it was just it was so much fun having you here. So thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_01

I agree, love. Thank you so much for having me on.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you, and thank you guys for joining us today. This has been an awesome episode, and we'll catch you guys next time on the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast. Bye.