Breath, Power, And Conscious Love with Christian De La Huerta

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello, and welcome back to the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast. As you know, my name is Nicole, and I'm so excited to be here today with Christian. And Christian um

Meet Christian And His Journey

SPEAKER_00 0:13

is an author, a very prominent author. You've won some awards for your books. Um, you came here, you immigrated here, um, like my mom did from Cuba, but you didn't speak a word of English just like me until I got to school and then I learned English. Um, and then now you've written a book that even Gloria Stefan um, you know, is quoted as having read it and called it a mom for the soul, if I'm not mistaken. Um, so please take it away, Christian. We want to hear all about your journey. Um, so please let us know a little bit about who you are and who you now help.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Yeah, thanks for having me on the show, Nicole. And and yeah, it was a quite um an honor to have our fellow Cuban American Gloria Stefan give such an amazing testimonial for the book. It just made the whole experience. It just took it to a whole whole other level. I'm so grateful for that. Um so yeah, like you say, I came over when I was a kid, I was 10 years old. Um and I'm really grateful for having had that experience of having been raised in

Growing Up In Cuba Shaped A Writer

SPEAKER_01 1:20

a communist country for my the first 10 years of my life or you know, for one thing. We had a TV, but there was nothing really worth watching in terms of programming. So we grew up reading, and that's made such a difference. Like it get really gave me an advantage in school. Um I developed this whole lifelong love affair with with books and and words. So I'm really grateful for that. And we also grew up inventing, creating our own games, for which I'm also really grateful. Like my heart breaks when I see my you know kids these days, my nieces and nephews, with their head, you know, buried into a screen, um, not spending time outdoors like like you know, we grew up outdoors and playing outside, and it's a different world. So, you know, that's kind of sad for me. Um yeah, you know, writing was always and I never thought I'd write books. Um so that was kind of an interesting twist that life uh gave me. I was actually approached by a publisher 10 yeah, 20 years ago for my first book. And I had a simultaneous yes, yikes situation.

Overcoming Fear To Write The First Book

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Cause I, you know, I've I was I'm basically introverted. I never had I you know the goals of being in the public eye uh or writing books. Um and in fact it was quite a like I was so resistant to writing a book because of that underlying fear of being in the public eye that I missed my first deadline when you know when the publisher approached me. They gave me like you know, a year, year and a half to write the book, and I missed it. And at that point, I was like, all right, well, now I really have to finish the book. They extended it another nine months. And my breakthrough in that was because every time I thought I had to write a book, I would freeze. Like I've never written a book before, I didn't know how to write a book, but then my breakthrough was I've done term papers, I know how to do term papers. So let me think of the book as one long term paper with different sample sections, and by breaking it down into smaller manageable pieces, that's how I got through it.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

That is amazing. Um, how do you write a book? One word at a time, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Exactly. Yeah, like I love that.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Yeah, exactly. Um that is that is inspiring. And what is it that you wanted to do? Like, because you said that you you never expected to be an author. So, what were you thinking of doing, and what led to to you getting this deal to become an author? Because like

A Mission For Conscious Evolution

SPEAKER_00 4:03

that's amazing, that's inspirational. So, how did that come about? How did you overcome yourself to become an author?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Well, I always had a sense of mission, like I knew even since I was a kid, I was the type of kid that I was, you know, more introverted, but I was great one-on-one and didn't do surface level stuff well, but I like I dwell, I was comfortable in the deeper question. So I was even older people, older kids would come to me for advice. So I knew that I had that gift and that desire, and I you know, I think for me it was a calling, a mission to make a difference, to to help people have more fulfilling uh lives and to make all of us evolve um in a in a quicker way. Um and so because you know it was part of my philosophy in this trend it's kind of translating, um, not translating, but paraphrasing Einstein that you can't solve a problem from the same level of consciousness in which it was created. Um and so when I think about how do we get our how do we dig ourselves out of this hole that we have all of collectively dug ourselves into, the only way out that I see it's it's a it's a spiritual revolution, a leap in consciousness that's gonna shift the way we see ourselves, the say we the day the way that we see each other and the way that we relate to this planet on which

Leaving Priesthood Dreams And Finding A Blend

SPEAKER_01 5:28

we live. And so I you know, I know the 100th monkey myth was turned out to be a myth, the hundredth monkey effect turned out to be a myth, but I still believe in critical mass. And so I see my job is like how can I reach as many people as possible so that at one point, hopefully, we will reach that critical mass uh state and that will bring about that deepen consciousness. Uh so I translated that sense of mission in different ways at different points. Like in the beginning, I was I was raised in a very Catholic uh environment. So I thought I was going to be a priest. I went to an uh all boy Catholic high school, so that was kind of like a natural thing for me to think about. Um, and I think legit it was partly a legitimate calling, a legit, legitimate vocation. I still kind of play a priestly role, even though I'm not ordained by anyone or any organization. Uh, in my spiritual work and retreats and workshops and coaching, I do kind of play a priestly role in the sense of helping people connect to their authentic selves and to their connection to the to the sacred, whatever, however they experience and translate that. But then I realized that that organization, that structure didn't have enough

Breathwork As A Healing Catalyst

SPEAKER_01 6:43

room for me as a gay man. So then I thought, all right, my dad was a psychiatrist. It was natural for me to to like I was gonna I was on a track to get a PhD in psychology, but then realized at least then when I was going to college, they totally neglected the the spiritual aspect of being human. And like that for me, it's like how can you do that? How can how can you help people if you're completely rejecting or ignoring a whole side of being human? So what I do now is kind of a blend of psychological and spiritual teachings. What shifted really shifted things for me was discovering breath work, which is this healing modality um that you know I've yet I've been doing it for over 30 years now, all over the world, and I've yet to come across anything that heals past trauma, psychological and emotional trauma, as quickly and as effectively as that does. So it's it's a kind of a combination of hybrid coaching, with of course I weave in my psychological background, uh, including my spiritual research and experiences. I spent five years in the Nashram, so I learned a lot about and different spiritual practices from the East. So I combine East and West, psychology, spirituality, and it's a it works, it's a really powerful blend of practices and teachings and systems that are really profoundly transformational.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

That's beautiful. Um breath is life, and like even if if you want to talk, you know, because you mentioned you are Catholic, if we look at even the creation story, right? Like Adam came to life when breath entered him, when God's breath entered him. And so there is something uniquely powerful and uniquely beautiful about breath work,

The Breath–Spirit Connection Across Cultures

SPEAKER_00 8:36

um, and that it's just it's life, right? Like that's that's how we're alive, right? Is breathing.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Um, and so yeah, that's absolutely right. Like the breath is our most loyal companion on the journey of life, right? If we take our first breath and our last breath, it's it's it is life keep us keeps us alive, it is what animates us. And to take that a little deeper, if you look at the majority of religions and spiritual traditions and even several secular languages, one word can mean the same word can mean breath or spirit. So, for example, pneuma in ancient Greek meant lung. From that word, we get pneumonia, but it also meant soul. Um, from the Latin root spirare, we get both respiration and inspiration or expiration. So that breath-spirit connection is found all over the world.

SPEAKER_00 9:35

It's powerful. I love that. And so is that is that what your book is about? So let's let's talk a little bit about the book. Did you kind of just give us a synopsis of what that is?

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Or no, the book. I mean, I definitely mentioned breath work, uh, you know, throughout the book.

Conscious Love And Relationship Levels

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Um the there are the two recent books, the one that just came out is about relationships, is how to do relationships consciously. The title is Conscious Love Transforming Our Relationship to Relationships. So, how do we approach relationships in a different way? And what I did in that book is come up with 10 kind of obstacles, challenges that many of us get stuck in when we approach relationships. So, for example, if we're approaching a relationship, hoping that it's gonna fulfill us, that it's gonna complete us, you know, like we hear in so many popular songs and movies, you're gonna make me happy, you're gonna complete me. Um forget it. There isn't anyone out there who's gonna make us happy, and there's isn't anyone out there who's gonna complete us. And so if we're approaching, and it's not their job too. So, how unfair to put that big responsibility on another human being or on a relationship. That's a lot of weight to carry. Uh, so those relationships, if that's how we're approaching it, they're they're not gonna have a really good outcome, probably. So, if we're gonna approach a relationship consciously, meaning that we know and we take full responsibility for our own happiness, we know nobody out there's gonna make us happy. We can do that, approach it in different levels. Like level one, the other person doesn't want to play at that level, right? They're just but but enough about the relationship works. You you know, we're we're co-habit well together, maybe you co-parent well together, maybe you you sex is great, you you have share a good sense of humor, a conversation, whatever. There's enough of it that works that we say, okay, well, it's not perfect, but nothing is, no relationship is. Uh, so we're gonna reclaim the time and the energy and the resources that we would otherwise be spending looking for the one. Um, I'm gonna spend and focus that energy on my own personal growth and transformation, which is ultimately, I believe, is what we're here for. For that spiritual evolution. We'll skip number two, come back to it. Level three, both beings are already fully realized, fully aware of their God essence, their their connection to their cosmic connection, whatever. And so we can then the relationship becomes like a sacred dance in which we mirror that for each other. I don't

Patterns, Triggers, And Doing The Work

SPEAKER_01 12:10

think we need to worry about that one yet. So let's go back to number two. That's that's the juicy one. That's using the relationship as a laboratory for growth. And and in this level, both beings are fully in on it. So both booings, both, both partners are using that container of the relationship to speed up our process of growth and transformation. So rather than what most of us do is like, you know, somebody does something that we that's hurtful, uh, then we figure it out and we're gonna get them back, and we figure out one of their buttons and we push one of their buttons and return. And then the relationship becomes kind of like a struggle. Right? You you hurt me, I hurt you, you do something to me, I do I do it back to you. So we we get stuck in those power struggles. Um but if we do it consciously, so rather than then pointing the finger and getting you back, uh, if I feel wow, that hurt, and go into the deeper questions, why did it hurt? Right? What's really going on under the surface? Um, and beginning to look at the patterns in our relationships, because sometimes the relationship feels like the same old boring movie, only with a different co-lead, a different actor. But the same kind of patterns, the same kind of crap, the same arguments coming up. So at some point, we got to get honest with ourselves and realize that there's one common denominator in every one of those arguments, every one of those relationships, and it's right here. So if we focus the relationship back on ourselves and ask ourselves the questions, why do we do the things we do? Why do we get stuck in these patterns? What are the common denominators? What are the what are the, you know, is it certain type of behavior, certain type of person, uh certain type of situation where I tend to get triggered, then we can grow, then we can get a lot of insight about ourselves and our lives will change. Uh so that's in a gist that that book. We also talk about sexuality and spirituality. There's a whole section on that. Um, and then the previous book is on power. And they're interconnected too. They're part of a series, actually. And that book on powers how do we step into power, personal power, in a way that's not about hierarchy, control,

Redefining Power And Women’s Empowerment

SPEAKER_01 14:27

fear, force, domination. How do we do it in a way that it doesn't require that I push anybody down, step on them, put my knee to their neck in order for me to feel powerful? Um, and it's for everybody, but it has a particular message about the empowerment of women. Because I think the empowerment of women is the single most important thing that needs to happen in our world.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

I love that. I think that's very important too. Um that is powerful, and it just reminds me you were talking about relationships. The first relationship that we've really gotta uh get to terms with and get on a good side with is with ourselves, right? Um, because if you can't deal with you, nobody else can deal with you either. Like, um, so you know, I've been there where you look back and you're you look at your track record and you realize what is the common denominator here? Um, and then you know, it's you, you're right, it's absolutely you, and then you're like, well, that's the only one I can change either way, even if it wasn't me, what can I change? Because that's the only thing I have power over. Um, and so

Self-Relationship Before Partnership

SPEAKER_00 15:40

you're leading from empowered, like an empowered position versus I guess like or the vibration where you were at when when that was happening. Um, and when you're talking about, you know, um, I guess it's communicating at the at the at the root of the um and it just made me think it's not you versus me, it's us versus you know, the problems, the the stuff, the trauma that happened, all of those scripts that we we wrote in our head, you know, the the scripts were designed to keep us safe, or you know, when we were going through those things, you know, oh you can't trust someone like that, oh you can do this, and oh, you can't do that. Um, and they're unconscious, they're subconscious. We don't we might not actively think those things, but there's just something going on underneath. And so it's in those moments, right, where it's uncomfortable and there's a miscommunication and where we really have to just kind of stop. I mean, like like you said, where is this coming from? Um, because it's usually not like we have an argument and it's not about whatever is happening here on the surface, right? Um, it's whatever is that triggering that. Like, why are you perceiving this that way? What did you hear when I said that? Um, and really just getting down to the root of it. And so I think it's so important. Um, I love that. I love that. And and it's about the the yeah, like I said, like you said, relationship and starting with the relationship with you. And then the second book is now that I've handled me, now let's talk about relationships with others, right? So I think that's really cool.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

Yeah, you just named one of the 10 challenges that we have in relationships, which is that we carry our old unhealed wounds from the past into our relationships. Um and then here we are, we

Offers, Bonuses, And Staying Connected

SPEAKER_01 17:37

think we're we think we're having an argument, you and I, but it's actually getting filtered through that lifetime of unhealed past trauma that we never dealt with, and and a lifetime of suppressed emotions. Um, and and so you know, we're actually having a conversation with our unhealed, unresolved pasts, and and so it's really important. That's that's why it's so important that we do our work, whether whether it's going to therapy or doing a retreat like the ones I offer, or to get get into a real work with a relationships coach. Um, but it's really crucial, otherwise, we just end up projecting our unheel stuff onto each other.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

Yeah, being able to be conscious enough to say, let's hold on, let's pause this. Because we could get so into our emotions, be like, I have to win this. And it's not about winning, right? Because if you tear the other person down, you don't win anything. Like it's not it's never gonna be the same, you know? And um, and so yeah, I think that's really, really important. Um, all right. So you did mention to me that you have a special gift on your website that you wanted to mention to the audience. So can you tell us a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Yeah, we have uh a guided meditation.

unknown 18:57

Cool.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

And people go to my website and and sign up to be on my email list, and you know how easy it is to click on subscribe if it doesn't work for you, if it's not nurturing you or supporting you. But anybody who signs up for my email

Three Imperatives: Inner Work, Forgiveness, Choice

SPEAKER_01 19:10

list, they'll get a sample chapter from the book, and and they'll get um the guided meditation sample chapter, and there's one more thing I forget.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Um, so it's gonna be a free bonus. Like you get a bonus surprise.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Three different bonuses, those two for sure, and there's the third one that I'm blanking on.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

That's totally cool. Um, we'll have it in the show notes for you guys, and all of those links will be available down below in the show notes. And of course, Christian, how can we stay in touch with you? What if we want to follow you? We want to hear about um your next book, maybe that's coming out, or the next celebrity quote that you get, since you obviously hang out with awesome people.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

Um the best way to get in touch with me is I think it's my website, uh, which is soulfulpower.com. S-O-U-L-F-U-L um P-O-W-E-R.com. And from there they can email me directly, they can access my social media. The both the books are available on Amazon, or they can order it at their local bookstore. Takes a little bit more time, but you support your local bookstore that way.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

That's awesome. And we like to finish the show with a final tip. So, like, what's the best advice you have? You know, that your clients paid you for, and they're like, Oh my god, this is worth everything in the world that I paid you. So, what's that tip?

SPEAKER_01 20:39

Well, I I think you know, I'm not dogmatic about many things. I think only three different things that and I don't guess it's not dogmatic, as if if you show me a different way, I'm open to looking at it. But as far as I see, if if you want to be free, if you want to step into your power, if you want to have lives that are filled with meaning and purpose, there's there's three things that I that I think are imperative. One is going within. Right? You gotta you have to go within. You have to understand yourself and why you do the things you do. Uh the second one is forgiveness, right? And um we wish we had more time to get into

Closing Reflections And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 21:20

because there's a lot to say about that. Um, but as long as we're holding somebody over the fire for for what they did or failed to do, our hand is also in the fire getting burnt. So that's what we you know, we've heard it in so many ways. Forgiveness is is for us ultimately. Um and then the th the third one, which is again a huge conversation, uh but it's tearing up the victim card, letting go of the for me woe is me. Uh, because again, as long as we're holding whatever somebody did or failed to do um for responsible for our happiness, for our state of being, we just give our power away. Uh and sometimes even to a perpetrator. So not a good strategy. None of it is easy. Forgiveness is not easy. Giving up the poor me, um, it's not easy, but but here's here's a way to hold it that makes it doable. No matter what happened in the past, and I'm and we human beings unfortunately do horrible things to each other. But no matter what happened in the past, and I'm really sorry, but whatever it is who's listening to this or is it had to deal with. No matter what happened in the past, no matter what happens going forward, we can always choose how how we show up in response to that. And just framing it in that way and bringing that word choice in there pops us out of that victim mindset and consciousness. And it's an empowering thing to be able to do that. Otherwise, we just keep on giving our power away.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Yeah. Yeah, this stuff you talk about, you're right, it's not easy. Um facing those scripts, um, facing that forgiveness, that those feelings, they're not easy. But if you take it one step at a time, just like writing a book one word at a time, you'll get through it. And I think we can say looking back on the other side of some of those things, that it's definitely worth it. Um, and so stick with it and you know, embrace the stock, cry the tears, but get through it. Don't stay there because there's better waiting on the other side.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

So for sure. It is so worth it. So worth it.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

Amazing. Thank you so much, Christian. This has been awesome. And um, maybe we could talk about having you back and we can do a whole episode on forgiveness, because that would be really cool too. So um, we'll talk about that soon. And thank you guys for joining us. Um, and we will catch you next time on the next episode of Overcome Yourself and stay tuned. Check out if Christian will be back for another episode soon. Bye.