Motivation Starts After You Start with Corie Whightlin

We explore why motivation follows action, how to design dopamine on purpose, and the small routines that help ADHD brains move from fight or flight to calm, focused doing. Along the way we reframe neurodivergence as a strength, anchor it with gratitude, and close with a self-compassion blueprint.

• what an ADHD executive function coach actually helps with
• why motivation is a myth and how dopamine follows action
• tiny starts, task chunking, and momentum
• borrowing dopamine with interest, novelty, challenge, urgency
• gamifying chores to beat time blindness
• routines over habits for flexible structure
• future-you planning and thanking past-you
• reframing neurodivergence as a superpower
• gratitude practices that change mood and behavior
• self-compassion as the base layer for change

Follow Corey: Instagram @whitelandcoachingservices • whitelincoachingservices.com
Free connection call: “a very no salesy, just free call that we can always just chat about what’s going on in your life”

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello there and welcome back to the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast. As you know, my name is Nicole, and I'm so excited to be here today with Corey. Now, Corey

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_01 0:12

and I seem to agree on a lot of things. A lot of the things that she wrote in her pre-interview questionnaire, I was like, oh, this is gonna be a good one. So I'm gonna go ahead and let Corey introduce herself and then we'll just start asking questions. Um, so please, Corey, take it away.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Let us know a little bit about who you are and who you help. Yeah, thanks so much, Nicole. I'm really excited to be here. I'm Corey Whitland. I'm an ADHD executive functioning coach. So I help folks who are struggling with like adulting things. So managing time,

What An ADHD Coach Does

SPEAKER_00 0:46

motivation, prioritization, self-compassion, um, all of emotional regulation, all of the things that the world expects us to be really good at as adults. But not everyone either has those tools naturally or going through something maybe traumatic or challenging that is limiting their access to those tools. So I help them build personalized tools that help things be a lot easier for them. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

And I'd like to add to that for those of us who spent a lot of time living in fight or flight, because we didn't know we were neurodivergent. And so we were just facing the world, just like out in it and we're just doing the thing. And then you had to learn how to live in rest and digest, because that's the opposite of fight or flight. And so you gotta learn how to do things without that kick of adrenaline. Like, what if we just like you know did things before the lights got turned off, you know? And so learning to do all of these little things, I think that's such a big deal. Now, I wanna one of the things that stuck out to me from the form. Um, something that I talk about, one of the chapters in my book, in my book, I say motivation is a lie. Motivation does not work like we think it does. Um, so I the way that I say it is inspiration can hit you out of nowhere, right? And it's usually like at the most inconvenient times, like when you're like on the toilet or you're in the shower or you're like driving and inspiration hits you, and you're like, I have this amazing idea. But what I've learned in my, you know, like just being out in the world trying to figure things out is that motivation doesn't work the same way. We think it does. We're like, I'm gonna be motivated to go to the gym one day, but it doesn't work like that, right? Motivation is, and we're gonna go into physics, it's

Living Beyond Fight Or Flight

SPEAKER_01 2:42

like a kinetic energy. It's kind of sitting there, and you need some kind of catalyst to really get it going. Um, and so you said motivation is a myth. So, like, am I on to something here? Can you tell me what your thoughts on motivation are?

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Yes, 100%. I think anybody who has struggled with quote unquote motivation in their life has probably heard, like, just motivate, just do it. Why aren't you motivated? Why aren't you living up to your potential? And we get this false narrative that exactly what you just said, like we're gonna sit there and all of a sudden it's gonna be like light bulbs go on, firecrackers go off, and we're oh now I'm motivated. But truly, motivation, the chemical that motivates us, which is dopamine, usually doesn't come until we are in action. So exactly, exactly what you said. So that's that's simple but not easy, right? Did it say, oh, just get in motion then? So oftentimes

Motivation As Dopamine In Motion

SPEAKER_00 3:40

we need to make a plan for how we are going to start the thing. And usually it is just start. So for instance, I had a client yesterday that wants to um embroider an apron for her sister, but she's like, I just am not motivated. I just am not motivated, I really want to do it. And I said, Well, what is the very first thing you need to do? And she said, Well, I need to lay out the apron and then I need to choose a color and then I need to go to the store and buy needles. And and I was like, Whoa, girlfriend, that was like five things, right? And so I was like, What's the very first thing? And she's like, Lay out the apron, and I was like, Well, let's go do it. And then she was like, Oh, can we pick colors now? Right. And that that simple action of just doing something the very first thing, even if it seems silly, like, of course you have to lay out the apron if you want to embroider it. But just doing that, and so that action can then lead to that momentum, and then the motivation kind of comes in the back door. The other thing we can do is we can borrow motivation from something that does feel really good to us. So we're usually motivated by interest, novelty, challenge, or urgency. So if there's something that just as we are not wanting to do it, we're really in task paralysis, or we're just like building in one of those things. Can I say it like builds in this artificial motivation for us? We get to borrow dopamine, right? So, my classic that I always say is I cannot do a mundane task like the dishes are even like spreadsheets unless I'm watching a really binge-worthy show. Like I have to have like either a reality show or some true pro true crime documentary. Like I have to, and some people would be really distracted by that. But for me, it I borrow that dopamine that it gives me, and then I'm able to then harness it for the task that's not so interesting for me.

SPEAKER_01 5:38

You're making a lot of light bulbs go off here because one of the things that I do when I'm like working on websites, like obviously not when I'm interviewing people, but when I'm in my cave, I call it being in the cave, right? Because I'm just like in my PJs, just like like somebody opens the curtain, I'm like, you know, because you're like you're just in the computer. Um, oh my god, I lost it. I lost what I was gonna say. But I guess like you're you work with the PhD people, so that is like totally okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

So let's rechat. You're in your cave, the the light bulbs are going off because of motivation. Oh, okay, okay. I remember what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 6:16

And then I have I play like a TV show, right? Something that I enjoy, like something that I just like, you know, watch the episodes. It doesn't matter because it doesn't matter, like if you if you lose track, right? So it's something kind of familiar, it cannot be something that I actually want to watch, like it has to be something kind of familiar. Um, and then I'll I'll get to work. And then it's like, but why is there so many things on? Aren't you distracted? I'm

Tiny Starts And Task Momentum

SPEAKER_01 6:39

like, no, I need that, and that's that's what you're talking about. And I never put those two together. Um, but it's kind of like the treat. Like, I'm like, okay, you're working, but then you get to have this little treat. Um, what I was gonna say, one of the examples that I like to use is the dishes. You brought up the dishes because it is so mundane and it is something that like I think everyone has in common. We all gotta like do the dishes, right? Like that's just something it's every day. Like, even if you hire someone, like there's gonna be dishes in the sink. But one of the things that I like to do, the way that I've tricked myself into getting things done, right? So, like if I'm making the coffee in the morning, and then I I'm I turn it into a game. Like, can you beat the coffee maker? Can you get everything rinsed off and put right? And so once you get started, even if the coffee is done, you're not you're not just like, all right, I'm done with the dishes. You're like, eh, I'm more than halfway done. Let me just go ahead and finish this up. And then when I'm done, I have my coffee, right? And so I have managed, I guess that's one of the things like adding urgency or adding competition, where I'm literally just competing with a coffee maker. Um, and I think the big deal is time blindness, because exactly what you said about the embroidery, we see the whole thing and we're like, oh my god, there's 47 steps. I can't do all of that right now. And everything is spiral, right? But if you're like, let me do step one, just step one, let me grab one mug, let me clean it out.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

And then you're like, well, my hands are wet, the soap is spongy. I mean, the soap, the sponge is soapy.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Let's get it done, right? Um, yes, I love that so much. Yeah, and I think that's you know, that is a huge point, is we do see the whole thing, right? And that's why an accommodation for students with neurodiversity is to help break it up for them because we don't naturally do that. And so that's one of the things that I do with clients and I do with my own self. I even had a client who was an executive at Google and he was like, I can't start in the mornings. So his checklist to start in the mornings, the first thing was open my computer. And that sounds so like, well, of course you have to, you're you work at Google, right? But for him, that opening the computer, then it was turn on your computer, open right? It was, and then once that was going, then he could do it. Where before he would sit at his desk for sometimes hour or more just staring and like, I don't know where to start. I have so much to do today, I don't even know where to start. So getting that first, I always say it's like getting out of the starting blocks. Once you're out of the starting blocks, you can do the race, but

Borrowing Dopamine With Interest

SPEAKER_00 9:15

it's out that is really, really hard for us.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Yeah, yeah. And learning how to set up those routines, right? Because we have to have the routines, not necessarily habits, because I've learned, you know, like it might be harder for us to establish habits, exactly, but routines you can kind of get with, right? And so it's just something that you do and you have to remind yourself, but you make it fun and you make it part of the process and surrender, surrender to the fact that you have to do this every day, like it's just something you have to do. Because once you stop fighting it, because you're like, I don't like doing dishes, all that's gonna happen is the dishes are gonna pile up, and then you just have more dishes to do, like it's exactly and surrender, I will do the dishes, and unfortunately, our brains don't think forward, right?

SPEAKER_00 10:10

So when we're saying we do the dishes, our brains don't naturally go, but hey, if you don't do them now, there's gonna be even more tomorrow. Our brains are like, Oh, good, we don't want to do the dishes either, and then some of them are like, but wait, why didn't I just do them yesterday? Because now there's so much.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Well, now I really don't want to do them, and then well, that's where past Nicole and future Nicole come into play. Yes, yes, right, and so future Nicole is gonna be so happy that you did this now. Yes, and then the key is when future Nicole comes back, like let's say you know you did the dishes before you go out, like all you know, all those things that your parents told you, like do your chores before you leave, they make sense now. Um, you're like, if I do this right now, so you do the dishes, and then when you get back and you see the clean dishes, you gotta thank past Nicole.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

You rock, thank you for getting that done, right? And so then the goal becomes the sink is clear. It's not about doing the dishes, it's about having clean counters, having a clean sink, and then walking in and being like, I can do whatever I want because everything's clean already.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Exactly, exactly, 100%. One of the things that I do is I call it a fast forward remote. So, right, you're about to go out and you see this, those dishes in the sink, and you have two choices you do them or you don't do them, right? And so with our brains, we don't naturally think about future Nicole. We have to like stop and do that. So I I you I say you pause and you I I teach physically pausing. So for me, I put a hand on my chest and I take a breath, and then I think through the three steps, right? If I do the dishes, what are the three steps? Well, I'm gonna have to do them right now, which kind of sucks. I don't really want to. And then I might be like a little bit late for this thing I'm going to, but future Nicole is gonna be really excited when I get home, and then I don't have to do them at 11 o'clock tonight. What if I don't do them? Well, then I can go right now, that'll feel pretty good. But then future Nicole's gonna have to come home at 11 o'clock after she's been out to dinner and do them, and she's gonna be really pissed.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Yeah, she is right, okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

I'll do them. But um, I hear tell that some people's brains just naturally do that.

Gamifying Chores And Time Blindness

SPEAKER_00 12:27

But if your brain doesn't, you we literally have to build that skill, and it sounds like you have with future Nicole. You're like, okay, I'm gonna think about her, and I'm gonna do her a solid and get these dishes done now.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

And you know what? It was a I it was an accidental discovery because I would I would do something right, and I'd be like, Oh my god, I have to go home and do this, and then I would get home and discovered I already did it, I just forgot. I don't know if that's ever happened to you. And I was like, oh my god, it's like I left a surprise for myself. Yeah, and so from that concept, I would find things and I'd be like, I even go like still, this still happens to me. Like, I'd be like, oh my god, I have to go make 30 graphics, and I log into Canva, and then I'm like on the third graphic, and I'm like, I've done this, I've been here before, and then and then I go check, or you know, you open it up and you're like, oh my god, this is already done. Because then I forget. Um, and so I accidentally stumbled into that by leaving surprises for myself because I would just forget about them naturally. That's amazing. I love that. And so I was like, what if you don't future Nicole? And then I'd thank myself, I'd be like, pass Nicole, oh my god, pass me. This is great. Like, thank you. Like, I totally forgot that I stayed up till four in the morning doing this. Um, but that's very real, right? Um, and that's kind of leaning into my strengths. So, can you talk to me a little bit about that? Because I know a lot of people see neurodivergence and they think liabilities, like I can't do this, I can't do that. So, can you talk to me? Actually, I call it finding the superpower in what you thought was your weakness. That's a whole nother chapter, actually, a whole section in my book. See, so I told you we're like on the same wavelengths. Um, so tell me a little bit about that. How can we use specifically our neurodivergence as uh as an asset versus a liability?

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Yeah, so I think the very first thing is kind of what you just said is figuring out, really being clear about what your challenges and barriers are because they're just like waves in the ocean. We can turn our backs on them or we can try to hold them back, but they're just gonna keep coming. And so once we really get clear about that, then we can build a surfboard that helps us navigate. And once we do that, that cognitive load that has been holding us back because we are late for things, or we forget things, or we're not organized, so we don't, you know, get our to-do list done, or we're total test paralysis, so we just kind of feel overwhelmed, all of that becomes so much more manageable. And then that cognitive load can be spent on the things that we're really excited and interested about. Because one thing about a neurodiverse person is we have special interests, and when we like something, we go all in. We are gonna be your best employee, we are going to be your best friend, we are gonna be the best partner, the best parent, etc., etc. Because we are passionate, we're sensitive, we're thoughtful, right? All of the things that sometimes get in our way when we have all of that other stuff that we're really bogged down by. So I think that those superpowers are always there. They're just kind of, you know, veiled in a lot of ways when we don't have tools and strategies and we're not being very honest and vulnerable with ourselves to acknowledge what is hard. And if we do, then we can lean into it. And the most successful neurodiverse people that I know, and I don't measure success necessarily by money, but I mean happiness and fulfillment, are the people that are really leaning into what makes them happy and what is their interest. Remember, interest, novelty, challenge, urgency. That interest is a huge

Routines Over Habits

SPEAKER_00 16:24

thing. And if we can find that thing and really go after it, we're we're unstoppable. That's why some of the most you know successful creative people in the world have been neurodiverse because we we go all in. And that that I think is where that that idea of a superpower comes.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Yeah, and you know what, like the the lesson of the superhero story is that you have power, but your perspective determines what you do with that power. And you have to, if you want to use it for good, any any superhero story that we what that we hear of that we learn of, right? Because they're tales, like we learn from them. We have to learn how to use those powers. We have to train the powers, we have to practice, we have to create habits and routines so that we can use those powers and use them for good, use them to help others. Um, you know, because you know, talking a lot, like I talk like way too much. But when I was younger, that talking would lead to not good things, you know, like talking about other people, like just saying things you shouldn't say. Um, and you know, being neurodivergent, sometimes you you just don't get it, like it would just I didn't put the two together, right? And so I would say things that you're not supposed to say, and so it gets to a point, and also what right, like what are you thinking about? What are you consuming? Because, like, if you're all you do is like gossip about other people and you're watching trashy TV and then you're using that as an example of how you act in the real world, exactly. That's not gonna that's not gonna be beneficial to anyone, that's not helpful, but I I turned my attention towards reading books, to learning more about myself, to watching things that were actually more productive for me, where I could learn, where I could actually enjoy the things that are happening, and then now what comes out is is helpful, right? We're talking about ideas, we're talking about how to improve things, how to help others, how to how to measure success, right? Because in our society, success is measured by money, you gotta have all the money. But a common theme in this show is having all the money and then hating everything else and then throwing everything away and starting over, right? Yeah, um, and so yeah, the fulfillment, the it actually enjoying. Um, and so the first part of my book, we actually kind of went backwards here, um, is gratitude, learning to practice gratitude, to use that as a tool, not necessarily feeling gratitude, but learning to practice focusing our attention on what we do have, on what we're grateful for, on what we can appreciate versus all the things that can go wrong.

Future You Versus Present You

SPEAKER_01 19:24

And we're really good at that. Really good at that. Yeah. Um, so as a neurodivergent expert, can you talk to me about the role that gratitude plays in in life, in our life, in our perspective?

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Yes, I love whenever I talk about gratitude. Um, so I'm also I didn't rec I didn't reference this at the beginning, um, but I'm also a certified mindfulness facilitator. So gratitude is a huge part of mindfulness, right? And I always reference the study where they took, you know, many, many, many people. I can't remember the exact number, hundreds, and half were asked for six months to record just stuff that happened to them during the day. It didn't even have to be complaints, just three things. And then the other half were asked to record three pieces of gratitude or three things that made them happy throughout the day. And as we could probably guess, at the end of the six months, the people that recorded the gratitude were happier. They reported feeling more confident, more comfortable, feeling more peace. But the other thing that I think is so cool, they were physically healthier, they had lower blood pressure, right? They had their blood sugar was better. Some of them have even, you know, gotten um like moving their bodies more, like physically healthier. And so I think that for folks with ADHD and neurodiversity, gratitude does not come easy, and for many reasons. A lot of it is, you know, the messages that we've gotten from society our entire life. So a statistic I always say is that kids with ADHD, whether diagnosed or not, by the time they reach middle school get 20,000 more negative messages than neurotypical kids. So from a very young age, our little brains are told we're not good enough, we're not doing enough, we're not like other people, we're not living up to our potential, right? And so I think that our brains literally become like little fortresses. Like, we're not gonna let this happen. And so that negative bias comes in because we're always exactly what you said at the beginning, we're living in fireflight, we're always searching for danger, right? I think of like a little security guard in our amygdala, like, oh, everything's wrong. And so we have to actually build that muscle. And it's it can't, it's not always easy. So, what I say is finding some way that it fits just naturally into your life. So, you know, every time you get in the car, you remind yourself of one thing that in your life that brings you joy. Or as you're going to bed, you don't even need to write it down, right? Maybe you do a voice note to yourself and send it to yourself. So when you wake up in the morning, you play it and it's the first thing you hear about what happened during that day that made you happy. One of my favorite gratitude practices is you get your phone and you just randomly text someone you're grateful for and you tell them what you're grateful for, how it changed your life, and you acknowledge the effort that it took them. So I might text, you know, my husband and say, you know, I'm really grateful that you got up and got the kids out of the door this morning and let me sleep in a little bit because I was really tired last night. And, you know, I know you didn't want to get up either, but I'm really grateful for that. And there's just something that happens to you when you do that. And then you get to imagine the person getting the text and opening it. And I feel like it's this little like bloom of happiness and joy in the world. And it really does change the chemistry of your brain and body when you start to practice it. So if you're someone that's like, oh, I don't even know how to start, start really tiny. Just start noticing. Another one that I love is when you see things that bring you joy, you're grateful for. You take a picture with your phone and then you create a folder in your phone that's gratitude pictures. I love that. And then when you're like feeling down or you're feeling like nothing's going right, you just open it and you just look at it and you get flooded with all of those chemicals of joy and happiness. And it really helps, those visuals really help. So I have everything from pictures of flowers to my kids to sunsets to the beach to a clean room, like in that folder. And it can be really helpful.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

I love that so much. Um as a way of incorporating technology because it's always around. Um, I'm a big, I'm a big writer, like it physically pens or paper. Um, I think it's really important for our brains. Well, it is, it's it's scientifically like it's been studied. It's super important for our brains, our bodies. Um, and so I always recommend writing things down. And I know we've heard of like, you know, like doing a journal and and keeping like a gratitude jar and then at the end of the year, but

From Weakness To Superpower

SPEAKER_01 24:12

I love these simple ways of even like using your phone because it's it you don't have to add anything extra to your day. Like you just snap a picture, and I mean a picture's worth a thousand words, right? And so you always have that memory to come back on.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

Um if you're gonna scroll anyway, you might as well scroll things that bring you joy, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:32

I love that, and even yeah, even your social media, um, just sharing things. I'm grateful for this, Jay. Okay, and then you get to share with the world. And I love the idea of bringing someone else into the gratitude because that's how we spread it, right? And in my book, I wrote, like, I can only imagine like bringing your kids into this and like imagining like the perspective, their perspective, they are gonna see things that you wouldn't even have imagined, like you don't even notice anymore. And so I can only imagine the great things that kids, you know, would be like, oh, I was grateful for the puppy that we didn't run over, and you're like, What?

unknown 25:10

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

There's a puppy there, you didn't even see him, you know, whatever. Um, oh my goodness, that's amazing. I love that so much. I'm gonna write those down. Wonderful. Yes, yes, yes. That's so fun.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

All right. So, how do we stay in touch with you? Yes, so I have a very active Instagram, so it's at Whiteland Coaching Services, like my name. I would love for you to follow me and lots of tips and ideas and community there. And I also have um, you can also visit my website, whitelincoaching services.com. Lots of information about me. I have an active blog where to where to find me, and um, I have a free connection call that really is a very no salesy, just free call that we can always just chat about what's going on in your life. And I'm I'm happy to offer some perspective.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

That is amazing. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Thank you. Thank you. This has been a wonderful conversation. I really, really so much fun.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

Um, I was just gonna say all the links to everything that Corey mentioned are gonna be available down in the show notes. And before we sign off, we like to get a final tip. So, what's the big final tip that you have for the audience?

SPEAKER_00 26:27

My big final tip is that it always comes down to self-compassion. So it we cannot get out of fight or flight, we cannot build these tools until we learn how to treat ourselves with the same kindness and respect and love that we treat others. So starting small and just reminding yourself that you are a worthy human and practicing giving yourself that same love that you give the other people in your life is is the first step in building any of these tools.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Yeah, like that's the oxygen mask that you put on before helping everyone else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. If we don't take care of you, you literally cannot take care of anyone else. If you're like in a mental breakdown under the covers for three weeks, like nobody's getting taken care of. So, like, let's start with you. Yes, one million percent.

SPEAKER_00 27:19

Ask me how I know. Like just you know, speaking for a friend. Yeah, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

I've heard that that could happen, you know. Um, no, but thank you. This has been absolutely amazing. Um, and thank you guys for joining us, and we'll catch you next time on the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast. Bye.