You Can’t Outrun Yourself Forever with Daryl Dittmer

A room full of people and he still felt completely alone. Daryl takes us back to the moment his drinking and drug use stopped being “fun,” stopped being manageable, and started looking like an exit from life itself. It’s a raw conversation about addiction, denial, and the quiet shame of becoming someone you don’t recognize, even while you work overtime to hide it from everyone else.

We walk through the turning points: a tough-love intervention, an uncomfortably honest meeting with a drug and alcohol counselor, and the reality of inpatient treatment where vulnerability isn’t optional. Daryl shares what the 12 steps gave him that he didn’t have before: a practical roadmap for living. Nicole connects the story to her own moment of deciding that if she’s going to keep living, she’s not going to keep suffering on purpose, and we explore what it really takes to face yourself without flinching.

Then we get into the line that reframed everything for Daryl: “When you stop fighting, the fighting stops.” We unpack what it means to stop battling the world and start working with what’s happening inside you, plus the role gratitude plays in long-term recovery and mental health. Daryl also shares his “five pillars” framework (health, relationships, purpose, contentedness, finances) and why small daily choices compound into a steady, grounded life.

If you know the exhaustion of constantly chasing relief, this one will hit home. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs hope today, and leave a review with the one pillar you want to strengthen this week.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello there, everyone, and welcome back to the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast. As you know, my name is Nicole, and I'm so excited to be here today with Daryl. And Daryl has an

Meet Daryl And His Mission

SPEAKER_01 0:12

amazing story of overcoming a lot of different things. So I'm gonna let him take it away. Daryl, please introduce yourself. Tell us a little bit about who you are and who you now help.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Thank you, Nicole. Thanks for having me on. I do appreciate the invitation and uh and am excited to share my story. I I I really do this in an effort to try to help as many people as I can that you know could potentially relate to my story and whatever aspect of my story it is, it doesn't really matter. Um if there's something that people can pull from it, then then that makes me grateful. So um I just to sort of start at the beginning, I I won't go on too long. Um, but I was uh I was raised in the Midwest in Michigan, and and at that time, uh, you know, it was it was

Midwest Childhood And Family Pressure

SPEAKER_00 1:06

really about it was about the big three automakers, it was about farming, it was about uh very blue-collar sort of environment. And and my dad was a mechanic, and he worked at General Motors, and uh, and so he was uh and he was also a Korean War veteran. So he was a he was a pretty tough dude and fairly demanding. And um, and the interesting thing is my my mom was probably a little tougher uh than my dad, and and for different reasons, though. My mom had gone through some things in her her life and her youth um that were uh incredibly challenging for her for her and and damaging for her. So so that sort of came out of her uh and and we watched that unfold as we grew up. I had no idea about any of this stuff, but hindsight can be a little more easy to see from whence we came. Um, and and and I don't I want to make it very clear, I don't place any blame on anyone, especially my parents. Um, and and I mentioned, Nicole, the name of your podcast, Overcome Yourself, is is precisely uh for me how it has worked over the course of time and and what I've had to do with myself over time. Um, so so I I just want to put that out that there's you know, there's no blame, there's no anything like that. So so our stories are our stories, whatever they are. And uh I got involved in drinking and drugs at uh I think an age that's fairly, you know, normal for a lot of kids,

Drinking And Drugs Take Over

SPEAKER_00 2:56

13-ish. Um and and what may not be normal uh is just the progression of of how I embraced that life and that lifestyle, and and it became it became for me something that I started doing because it was I thought it was fun, and it was in many cases, and then and I kept doing it, and it kept progressing, and at some point it became not fun. At some point it became what my life was completely centered around. It was it was all about the drinking and or the drugs, whatever I could do to find a different way to feel. And and I didn't look at it like that back then, but again, hindsight, we look back and it's like, oh man, yeah, there was there was stuff going on in me that I needed to shovel the dirt over, you know, and and and hide and and get away from. Um, so so I got involved in in a lifestyle of lying and cheating and stealing and just not being a good human being, which was very far away from how I was raised. The other other part of my childhood was um, you know, I was raised Lutheran. I was raised in a Lutheran household. It was, you know, the whole Protestant work ethic thing, and and that was um, that was very meaningful. It was church every Sunday, unless I could pretend I was sick and get out of it, you know, like that sort of stuff. That was kind of how it went. And and so I was living a life that was uh really the opposite of what I was raised to be, and and how I was raised to be. And and as I kept doing that, uh I kept getting worse, and I kept having to do more of the drinking and the drugs, and more of the lying and cheating and stealing to try to cover my tracks. And the the it was ripping me apart on the inside because I knew I wasn't what I was raised to be, and I knew I was not a good human being anymore, at least how we measure that on this planet. And and that, and I was trying to hide. I knew it was wrong, and not wrong in the overall sense of the of the world, but just wrong for me. It wasn't right for me. And and so uh I was 18 years old. I was getting toward the end

Intervention And The First Honest Talk

SPEAKER_00 6:00

of my 18th year, somewhere in the fall, early winter of of uh sounds like a long time ago because it was 1984. And uh, and my parents did basically what amounted to an intervention. And they said, look, you know, you're either going to talk to this drug counselor or you're out, you know, you're we're done, and you're out of uh basically our lives. And uh, and so they left it up to me. And and I and it was it was a really, really frightening moment for me because I had been found out. Um, and I had been found out many times, but it was sort of the culmination of of all of the fears of being found out, and what's everybody gonna think, and how bad is it gonna be, and that all sort of came in, uh caved in on me at that at that moment. And and when they said, if you're gonna go meet us, you know, at this place at this time, and you know, we'll go talk to this, you're you're gonna go talk to this drug counselor, and and I said, All right, I'll let you know. And and I ended up going, and I don't know exactly why I ended up going because my life was about denial, and my life was about lying, and and I I think there was a small part of me that that wanted to see if there was a different way to be. And and so I went to talk to the drug counselor, and I was honestly, I was planning on lying. I I was planning on just BSing him like I did everybody else, and and uh, and the moment I walked in, he's like, You cannot BS me, you cannot lie to me. I'm gonna know, and I'm gonna kick you out, and you're gonna be in the same spot you were. And he intimidated me. I was I was 18. And so I was like, Yeah, you know, what's going on? This guy knows me. And and uh and but he was a recovering guy himself, so he gets it. You know, he got it, he understood and how full of crap we can be. Um, and so anyway, I was as I because I was intimidated, I was as honest with him as I could be at that moment in my life. And and that was um at the end, I remember saying this is really the only real sort of recollection I have, other than I I knew I was gonna try to be honest after he scared the heck out of me. And I said, What do you think, doc? And he said, You need to go to drug and alcohol treatment, uh, inpatient. And so, long story short, they wanted to put me in a 60-day program. Uh, it was all filled up with, you know, the the Gen Xers of my my generation. And uh, and so I ended up going into a 30-day treatment program uh in the Detroit area, and and I I guess to to sort of put a cap on this this end of it, treatment was very difficult. Treatment was very

Treatment And A Night Of Despair

SPEAKER_00 9:05

uh they demanded things of me that I did not want to give them from, you know, as terms of trying to be honest and and admitting the things that I'd done and and sort of throwing my emotions out of myself into their laps. And, you know, what are you guys gonna do with all this? It it was a vulnerability exercise, and uh, but they they probably got enough of the demons out um of me to where I I I sort of wanted to see what else was out there in my life. I let me just say this one more thing, Nicole, about that part of the story is is before I went into drug and alcohol treatment, and this was December uh 31st of 1984, um, between when I talked to the drug counselor and when I went actually went into treatment. And I bought a bunch of dope before I went into treatment. So I was not planning on necessarily being sober. I was like, all right, let me see what happens when I get out. And so December 31st of 1984, I'm at a New Year's Eve party. I'm probably around, I don't know, somewhere between 100 and 200 people. It was a bunch of people, and a lot of people who were friends of mine and people who I knew, and et cetera, et cetera. And and I was the most lonely, most um just ripped to shreds that I'd ever been in my life. And and I was that evening, the thought occurred to me, might suicide. I thought about suicide. I thought about do I want to be on this planet anymore? And and that was um, I believe that was the moment where I sort of bounced and started to think about could something be different. And and it probably wasn't anything to do with a conscious thought. It was probably just inside me somewhere. Is there is there something that I could do to change? And um, anyway, so I went into treatment, I did the 30 days, it was difficult, it sucked, I didn't enjoy it, but I got two things out of it. One, I got hope that I could have a different life, and two, I got introduced to the 12 steps, which really helped me have a roadmap for living that I don't believe I would have otherwise been introduced to, and that allowed me to over time overcome myself and and show up for myself and show up for my life. So I'll stop it there if you have any thoughts or questions, Nicole.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

I I uh um I'm just absorbing it all. That's such a powerful story, and um that moment of am I gonna die or am I gonna live? Um, I had just had a miscarriage, and I remember having kind of to face a similar situation. And I remember thinking, well, you know what? If I'm gonna live, I'm not gonna drag myself through this shit. I'm done doing that. Like if I'm gonna live, I wanna like actually enjoy it. I want to be happy. I need to find out how to do that because this sucks. You know, sex, you know, life can't be all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Like those things are great in their time, but not 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Like that, it's exhausting, like you said. It's fun, and then little by little you're like, you know, it's like the never-ending party. You're like, I can't take this anymore. You can't, right? Um, and what you'd said about facing, you have to face yourself. And that part is really, really, really hard. Um, and so I do want to commend you for, you know, facing yourself for doing the work. And also like super like powerful is that you are able to talk about that and you're able to share that. Um, because that's very real and it's very vulnerable. Um, and so I just want to commend you for being brave enough to share that story because people need to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Thank you, Nicole. I I appreciate that. I I um I'm honored honestly to be able to share it because somebody said to me not too too long ago, they said, if I have a story and I'm not sharing it, I'm doing a disservice to people that I could potentially help. Yes, yes, yes, and and I 100% believe that.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Now I'm curious about something because when we were talking earlier, um, you know, when we were getting to know each other for this, you mentioned um the fight doesn't stop until you stop fighting. Is that the quote? Did I say that correctly? Can you tell me a little bit more about what that means and um you know how it applies to everything that happened? Because you named your books after that and everything I think you said, right?

SPEAKER_00 14:18

I did. Yeah, I did. And and it it

When You Stop Fighting The Fight Stops

SPEAKER_00 14:21

comes with a story, and it's one of my favorite stories. I I think we get for me, I've probably had five instances in my life out of what millions of instances, where five that I remember and that have really impacted me. And this is probably number one or two, but I had a I had a mentor um when I got involved in the 12 steps, and and that was it was crucial for me. They call it a sponsor in the 12 steps, and and that was crucial for me to to learn how to live because I was I was by the time I went into treatment, I was 19, but but I was a young, yeah, I was a kid. I uh, you know, I was I was really just a kid. I didn't think I was a kid, I thought I was a tough guy uh until I got my ass handed to me in the treatment and everything else. But right? Um, which is, you know, it is what it is, but but anyway, so so I I I go into treatment, I come out, I start trying to tackle life, I grab a sponsor, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna do this thing, but I'm still fighting life. I'm still fighting myself, I'm fighting other people, I'm fighting healing, I'm fighting being vulnerable. I'm, you know, everything about life and the way I grew up, it was it was like, look, you know, work through the pain, no pain, no gain. You're not hurt if there's not a bone sticking out or you're bleeding out, or you know, whatever. It was just that was just how I grew up. And and so my my mentor, my sponsor, his name was Bud, and one of the most incredible people I I ever knew. He took me aside one day as I was, you know, talking about all my problems and all the things I'm fighting in my life. And he said, Daryl, when you stop fighting, the fighting stops. And I was like, oh, so so I'm not fighting, it's not the world, it's not everything outside of me. It's not, you know, who can I blame? Who can I say, oh, they did this, so I did that. It's none of that. It's I'm fighting what's going on in here. And that's the fight that needs to stop and at least wane over the course of time and over the course of of me showing up for myself and showing up for my life in a way that that I'm giving myself my best so that I can give the rest of the world the best me.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

And I think that's that's really where that comes from. And and it was a it was a wonderful story for my life, and and I appreciate you bringing that up, Nicole.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, I think it fits so well to your story and you know, the transformation from that kid who was begrudgingly going to get help, um, you know, to being the force that you are now, just getting in front of people and sharing the story. I think it's I think it's humongous. I think it's magnificent. Um, and I think it's it's just such an important point, right? Because yeah, you're the one that's fighting everything. That's why everything feels like a fight. Um, and you mention something that I talk about in my book, which is um learning about overflow, right? What's in us is what comes out of us. So if we're like miserable and we're always criticizing ourselves when somebody talks to us or gets us, especially you know, in those snappy moments, that's what spills out, right? And as you've healed, as you've, you know, done the work, as you've done this transformation and you you talk in front of people and you continue healing, um, you know, that overflow now is different. You don't have the same reactions, you don't have to feel that fight anymore because, you know, your your inner dude is not like, who's coming at me now? Right. Um, and so I think what you mentioned is learning to live again. Because we get into, especially when we're in those worlds of you know, drugs and doing all these things to to numb ourselves, to distract ourselves. Um there's just there's like so many thoughts coming at me right now. But um anyway, all right. Let me um let me gather my thoughts and I'll come back to you. But what I wanted to ask you, what I was all gearing towards, was talk to me about the role that gratitude played in this journey.

Gratitude As A Daily Practice

SPEAKER_00 19:12

You know, and I and and I love that because gratitude is a central pillar of my life at this point and and has been for a long time because it's part of the fight that I have with myself in here, is I'm always looking for something outside of me to make me better, or to make me feel good, or to make me feel like I'm like I'm okay. And that can be can be drugs, it can be alcohol, it can be gambling, it can be sex, it can be food, can be anything, right? There's a ton of things that that can I can try to you know getting into fights, literally, right? It just you know, so I can do these things to myself, which is part of that fight, and but but that's not where contentment comes from, and that's not where fulfillment comes from. And and I think that's really important distinction to make. And it was for me when when people used to say gratitude when I first got into recovery, I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, I am upset, I'm pissed, I'm angry, I'm I gotta go to work and bust my butt every day, and I'm not liking it, and you know, the boss sucks and everything sucks, and this sucks, and that sucks, and meetings suck. You know, I didn't have I didn't have gratitude because because I wasn't for me, I wasn't looking out of the correct lens at my life. And if I'm looking out of the correct lens at my life, I'm just thankful that I'm alive. You know, I'm I'm thankful that that you know something allows me to see and something allows me to think, and something allows me to move, and something allows me to speak. And I don't know what all this stuff is, but man, is it cool, you know? Is is it isn't it cool to be able to have a life um number one, but then you know, now I have a wonderful wife, and and and you know, I've got a family, and and there's just uh it's it's been a long time since I have not been grateful for for what I'm surrounded with um and and and and what you know is in here, which I don't take credit for, I'm grateful for. Um I just I I did the work, you know. I I overcame my bullshit. And and I'm still working on it every single day because I love it and I Love the work, but that's what it takes to be grateful. I have to overcome me, and I have to overcome my fights.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Yeah. Yeah, and every day, you're right. Every day is learning to be grateful. Like we were just talking about learning to live again, the realizing, really understanding it's the little things we do every day, and those things add up. And so, you know, when you're drinking like a bottle of wine every night, that shit adds up too. Or whether you're practicing your gratitude every night, that adds up, you know. Um, and so it just depends. It just depends on on a lot. Like you were mentioning like prior to that, like it was never enough. Like there's this never-ending hunger. And that's like the perspective of lack. Because it's never enough, it's never enough anymore, anymore, anymore. And being able to switch to that perspective of abundance, because there's actually no such thing as as lack. I read that once. You have an abundance of lack, but you don't have a lack of abundance. Um, and so you still had an abundance of something, it's just not what we wanted. And that switch, it's not easy. Um, you know, you you can testify to that that it's you you have to choose it. It's a journey, you know, to go in and face yourself and to be able to own up to the things that we did when we weren't at our best selves and apologizing for that, um, even to ourselves and being able to move forward. I think that's such a beautiful thing. Um, so I'm proud of you. That's exciting. You're very welcome. Um, and you've done such amazing things, like you're an author. So, can you talk talk to us a little bit about how we can stay in touch with you? And um, you know, like where else can we hear your amazing talks?

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Sure. Um, and

Books Mentoring And Where To Find Him

SPEAKER_00 23:52

thank you for that, Nicole. I'm I'm uh the the best place to find me is my website, and that is uh darrydittmer.com, which is d-ary l-i-t-t-m-e-r.com. Um, and my books are uh the first one is called When I Stop Fighting, and the second one is called When You Stop Fighting, and they're both based around my story, but one is geared more toward sort of how I came up and and and some of the tragic and funny and sad and all the stories that that go along with that, um, and and the lessons that I've learned along the way, which I think is is really the crucial uh part of that book. And then the second book is is about overcoming yourself. It's about showing up, it's about how am I going to uh approach myself and how am I going to approach my life? And and it talks about some of the reasons why maybe we lean toward doing the the more convenient, easier stuff than doing the less convenient, more difficult stuff that actually allows us to continue to move forward and grow. So so that's what what both of my books are about. I'm in the process currently of I I've I'm talking to a firm about helping me become more of a formal mentor. I don't like uh the coach thing for some reason, it just brings up something for me. But but mentor, I I want to be a mentor for people, I want to help people, and I'm I'm learning how to do that. So so my message, although is it's going to be the same because it's my story, how that's presented over my website and that sort of thing will change over the next few months.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

So nice, yeah, and our brands evolved with us, right? As we as we grow and we develop new ways of helping people. So that's that's awesome. So congrats. Um, yes, of course. Um, and thank you for sharing all those links, as you guys know, will be available down in the show notes. And Daryl, we like to end our episodes with one final tip. So, what is that big, you know, the big money-making tip that you give your clients? So give it give it all to us here now.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

The money-making tip. Well, you know, I I would say my overall message is we have a choice every single day of of what

The Five Pillars For Daily Choices

SPEAKER_00 26:30

we want to do with that day and with our lives that day. And and I look at life as as I I've built my life on pillars, and and the pillars, uh, whether I work on them or don't work on them, you know, basically determines how strong and how sturdy my building is. And and the pillars for me are uh my health, my relationships, um, my meaning or my my purpose, um, my contentedness, and and my finances. And and I have to I have to put, depending on what I want, if I don't want anything, I don't have to put any effort into anything. But if I want those things to be at their best, I have to show up every day and do something in each one of those pillars to make them as strong and sturdy for my life as they can be. And and that's that's my overall message that that we get to choose every day. It's not life that directs us, it's us, it's me overcoming myself, and and that's what directs how my life goes. And and I think that's in the age of today where we're so distracted and there's so many things coming at us, it's really important to get back down to those basics of living um so that we can live the best life possible for ourselves and for the people around us.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

I love that. That is fantastic. Um, and it's about the little things, right? It doesn't have to be like a humongous thing. I'm sure you're not talking about putting like $10,000 away every day in your finances.

SPEAKER_02 28:24

No.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Um, but like reading a few books throughout the year to kind of help you out. You know, just the little things that we do every day. Um, that doesn't take that much time, but when we focus on those things that are important, um, they compound, and then we have a garden of beautiful different things that we have available to us. I love that. I love it so much. Well, thank you so much, Daryl, for joining us. This has been a fantastic episode, and we will catch you guys next time on the next episode of Overcome Yourself. Talk to you so much.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Thanks so much, Nicole. Thanks, everybody.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

Bye bye.