How Values Create Real Resilience with David Ask

Nicole sits down with inventor and vocalist David Ask to explore why grit and resilience are not personality traits but outcomes of clear values and a grounded identity. We connect creativity, confidence, and mental health to one practical question: what are you bouncing back to when life hits hard? 

• David’s path from music in Nashville to inventing a thermostat guard sold in major retailers 
• How grit works as traction for long goals 
• Why resilience requires a defined “shape” to return to 
• Values as the foundation for decisions, boundaries, and confidence 
• Authenticity as aligning with how you are wired rather than performing for approval 
• Anxiety and people-pleasing as signals of unclear identity anchors 
• Why values matter more when you know you are valued 
• Parenting and leadership through validation and naming strengths 
• Final tip on revealing the “riches” in other people 

All his links will be available down in the show notes, as usual. 
the website that I have up is just davidasskmusic.com 

Transcript

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Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hello, hello there, guys, and welcome back to the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast. As you know, my name is Nicole, and I'm so excited to be here today with David Osk. Did I say that right? It's spelled like Ask, but it's pronounced Osk.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Yay, awesome. So now the audience knows too. Perfect. So welcome, David. I'm so excited. You have just such an amazing energy about you. So I'm excited to have you here. Um I cut myself off. Um, but please introduce yourself and let us know a little bit about who you are and who you help.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Yeah, well, thanks for having me. Um I I remember when I saw your um the just the title of your podcast, you know, it it's it grabbed me, right? And that's so so way to go on the marketing there. But I I I think, and then I of course I went and listened, you know, just to uh, you know, various clips and your socials and everything and and so on. And uh yeah, I just I like your vibe. So glad to be here today. Um so yeah, I'm David Osk. I actually live uh just outside of Nashville, Tennessee. I moved here back right after high school and for music, like a million other people. So I'm uh a vocalist, um, author. I'm writing another book uh for dads right now. I run a small business. I um kind of along with my brother-in-law invented a the world's first thermostat guard that has a combination lock, and we sell that in Home Depot and Lowe's, and I'm hoping some uh some other stores here soon. I in fact, I just licensed a new unit to the uh the Pro channel. So we've got the Lockbox Pro that's in Granger and HD Supply and Johnstone and and some other locations

Inventing The Thermostat Lockbox

SPEAKER_01 1:51

like that. And I do a mastermind uh group. I'm part of the Iron Sharpens Iron Mastermind. Um yeah, I do some speaking, all kinds of different stuff. And um, so yeah, just glad to glad to be here with you today.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

That is incredible. So you are an inventor, you've you've got a lot going on. Like, like I was reading your stuff, and I'm like, man, this dude is amazing. Um, but you've invented more than just one thing, right? Like I saw that you had invented several, if not thousands, of things.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Well, so interestingly enough, the the original thermostat guard that that I came up with is is technically my brother-in-law was his idea. We kind of developed it together. Um, that's the original is in in the Home Depot, and that's uh uh and then we created kind of a a new variation for Lowe's, so they have got something just slightly different. Um, so that's two, I guess. And then we have a so patented and trademarked. And then uh the latest one is actually, you know, for the uh technically we licensed it to Lennox Corporation, but it's um, and I say we, it's my wife and I now who run this this little company here, but um uh that one is actually um has a combination lock with a key. So it's just a plastic, you know, box that goes over thermostats to you know keep people from messing around with thermostats. It's mainly for commercial properties, right? You could use them in offices or churches or restaurants or hotels, things like that, although it's surprising the number of people that will put put them in their homes to keep their you know their kids from uh turning the temperature way down or way up or whatever it might be.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

So yeah. That is amazing. Now, can you tell us a little bit about your journey? Like, how did you become an inventor? Like you've done such amazing things. You know, how did you end up here? Like you were in music, you mentioned in Nashville. So can you tell us a little bit about that that journey to where you are now?

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, it's funny. Growing up, I grew up in

From Nashville Music To Making Products

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Minnesota, and I my mom was a music teacher, and my dad uh owned his own metal fab shop and and so on. And I was always surrounded by um, you know, people that were you know business owners and um you know things like that. Um, but it was it was one of those things where um I knew at some point that I wanted to run you know my own company, but I just really wasn't sure what that is. Um but then of course, coupled with that was just this idea that you know in our family was music was just so front and center. And um so it was really interesting how you know the I guess the um yeah, that portion of our lives was I'll put it this way, it was just so ingrained in our family. Like we didn't we didn't know that everybody didn't do music, right? So I I at the same time though, I realized, you know, when I kind of got into high school that I had a a a pretty high ability in that area. And I was a vocalist, ended up um uh moving to Nashville, spent some time at Belmont University uh as a vocal major, and you know, since then I've cut three records and I still, in fact, this last year you you'll get a kick out of this. So, you know, the band Journey, you know, that's make you know, the course who doesn't know Journey, right? So I'm the first one in the world to record open arms, but I did it in Italian and English, and I'm working on the full Italian version for this year, and um so it's on iTunes and Spotify and all that. But yeah, it's I I'm I'm a guy who I think just really likes to be creative, you know, whatever I'm doing, whether it's books or music or products or things like that. I I like people and I like uh creativity.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

That is amazing. I was cheering you on and I muted myself, but I was clapping for you and cheering you on because that is so awesome. Um that's that's amazing. I love that, and I love I love the idea of you know a musical family that is so cool, and just having it be just a part of everyday life. So that's beautiful. So um you mentioned something that really caught my attention in um you know when you know in our communications

Grit Versus Resilience Starts With Values

SPEAKER_00 5:56

before this episode, and you mentioned that there is a difference between grit and perseverance, and that really caught my attention. And I wanted to ask you, can you tell us a little bit about what that means?

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Yeah, yeah. So it's uh actually what I I think what I sent was grit and resilience.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Okay, yes, resilience.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yeah, and I and obviously there are some words in and around all of that space that kind of overlap, that kind of thing. But um, so one of the things that I I do um is I work really closely with a a friend of mine. He's a uh a clinical psychologist, um, Dr. Andy Garrett, uh lives out in California. But he really um introduced me to some things that have been really helpful and and some things, I'll be honest, that I thought were kind of, you know, woo-hoo, kind of, you know, I don't know, stuff out in the ether. Out there, yeah. That honestly are quite uh practical. And um, you know, like words like authenticity and identity and and things like that that I thought were, you know, just kind of stuff people kind of, you know, you you created on your own, or all, you know, became somebody or all that kind of thing. And so what's fascinating is is I'm actually writing a book for dads called The Guardians of Grit for fathers and sons. I'm kind of just drilling into that demographic. But so the word grit, um Angela Duckworth, I think she's a Stanford professor maybe, but she kind of sums up grit, you know, the just this idea that I'm going to do something, you know, over a long period of time, you know, because it's just worth fighting for, right? It's like I'm gonna climb that hill, I'm gonna run that marathon. So, you know, a long period of time literally might be, you know, three hours or something to run a marathon, or it might be it might be 18 years to raise kids, right? It's you know, so so what is it that is that grit under your feet, you know, that gives you traction, right? I'm I'm going to climb this hill. I need traction. I need something that's going to, you know, that's going to uh allow me to, you know, keep going forward and not keep sliding backwards. And so uh I'll put a pin in that for a second. And then the word resilience, um, I like Dr. Andy said resilience is you know, this idea that, you know, for instance, uh as a picture, if you bounce a ball on the ground, you know, really hard, like a basketball, you know, for a split second, it loses its shape. But when but what happens? Well, it bounces back to a shape that is that is definable, right? You can measure the circumference and the diameter and and so on. So he he says that you know, grit and resilience, if it's true grit, if it's true resiliency, it's actually the traction that's under our feet, our are values. It's it's really that plumb line inside of us that is um you know that will never fade away. It's that stuff that we anchor to, or how about this? The stuff that we would hope that we would identify, right? The word identity, and the things that we would anchor to that are authentic, you know, to who we are and what we value. And um and so here here's what I think is really fascinating though, too. So I'm gonna I'll jump into the deep end of the pool if that's okay. Um so you know, here here's this is it's it's a funny thing. So, like I I was speaking in front of a a group down in Jamaica about a year ago with Dr. Andy, and I got up in front of the room and I asked everybody, I said, Hey, does anybody know where we get the word authenticity from? Well, of course, you know, everybody's kind of staring at the floor and like, oh man, I've never even thought about it. Well, it comes from the word author. Right? Well, we didn't make us, right? I didn't choose my skin color, which is a popular one. I didn't choose my taste buds, my eye color, my hair color, which family I was born into. I didn't choose my own DNA. I didn't choose, you know, kind of l the this idea that my favorite colors or favorite things, that kind of stuff, that's somehow that I'm just drumming that up. Well, how do we know that, you know, we're kind of hardwired, right? Like we didn't make us. Well, when children are, you know, when children are growing up, you know, and they're, you know, whatever, weeks or months old, and you know, two, three, and four, five years old, children are not thinking about identity and authenticity, right? I mean, they're not really sophisticated like we are. They're just doing their deal. They're just being authentic, right? They're they're they're I they're they're operating inside of the the natural wiring that God made them in, right? Because they like pizza versus, you know, hot dogs or whatever, or chocolate versus vanilla, it feels like they're choosing it, right? Because they are, but the fact that they have taste buds that are, you know, would would prefer something over the other, it was wired into them. And um, so there's something really, it's almost, I'll be honest, even as I say that, it almost seems kind of confrontational because we want to think that we're all these, you know, autonomous, you know, I'm choosing absolutely everything. Well, we're really not. But here's where it gets really wonderful when we when we understand, you know, and again, I have a a biblical worldview, that we are made in the image of the one who made lightning and tigers and hurricanes and koala bears and tornadoes and you know, just the most glorious, powerful things. We're made in that image. Well, boy, when we start to identify all of those beautiful, powerful, wonderful things that have been literally knit into our DNA, and we start aligning with those things, right? We just kind of give ourselves to those tendencies. The fact that I like to sing or I can sing. I didn't choose that, right? That was a gift given to me. Well, guess what?

SPEAKER_00 11:44

We start to people like to sing, but they're not good at it.

unknown 11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

But here's the funny thing. When I start just kind of giving myself to those natural tendencies, what happens? Well, I start to feel genuine, I start to feel authentic, I start to feel normal and natural. And, you know, I'm I mean, like one of the worst things you could possibly say to your kids is why can't you be like your older brother? You know, you like you're not good enough the way you are. Like, why can't you be somebody else? As opposed to what? You're awesome. And I love the way, you know, God fashioned you, and I love the way everything from your hair color to your cute little fingernails to, you know, whatever it might be. And you're validating all of that natural, normal, authentic goodness. So again, to your question, grit and resilience. It's fascinating when we just start to kind of give ourselves to those things that are super, how about this, supernatural to us? We start to feel authentic and genuine and natural and resilient and free and gritty because we've identified, right, the word identity, all of those things that are meaningful to us. And here's let me tip it on its head real quick. Well, how do you know you aren't uh gritty or resilient? You know, how do how do you know you haven't found those things? Well, guess what? You've got a high level of anxiety, you've got a high level of maybe depression, right? You haven't anchored to those things inside of you that are the most beautiful, powerful, courageous, values-driven things. You're probably living your life avoiding certain people, right? You feel inferior to some people. You walk into a room with a big question mark, like, oh my gosh, where, you know, what are they going to say about me, or think about my clothes, or think about you know, my kids, or like there's that, those big question marks. And the the opposite of that, right? Of feeling natural and normal and free and and just how you were wired is so powerful. It is truly super in a very you know adjective way, natural. You know, you start to just feel yourself. So so grit and resilience are what is it that David Osk or Nicole Tuxbury is it Tuxbury or Tuxbury? Tuxbury. Tuxbury. I love your last name by the way. And it's you know, what are those things that we value most of all in this life that give us that grit under our feet? And that when we say we're resilient and we bounce back from a fall of sorts, what are we bouncing back to? Or how about this? Who are we bouncing back to? And if I cannot identify, like literally write those things down that David Osk happens to value most of all in this life, well, I might be bouncing off the floor and bouncing right back in the other ditch, right? It might be just whatever way the wind is blowing today and whatever way my emotions are going, or whatever people pleasing I'm trying to do. I know that's obviously this there's a lot there, but I I think that that grit and resilience, and if I had to define what those things are, I think the closest word I could come to would be values.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

I think that's such a great image. It's almost even like the chart of, you know, because sometimes we feel up, sometimes we feel down, but you know, the grit is like the floor, and then the basketball is bouncing up and down because life happens, like things are gonna things are gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Yeah, it's that foundation, it's the floor. I like your I like your your phrase there. It's like the, you know, like what is the scaffolding? Like if I say that I'm building my life on something and I'm making decisions, on what basis am I making those decisions? And it's fascinating. You know, when I went through Dr. Andy's course, you know, we dive into things like, you know, what are the hierarchy of my values or my my virtues? What type of an impact do I want to have? That dent in the universe thing. You know, what are my convictions? What do I believe is right and wrong, right? Values, virtues, and convictions are all different. What is it that gives me goosebumps? You know, what is it that that lights me on fire? What is it that just breaks my heart? Like when you start to get really clear on the description of who you are and what you value and what type of impact you want to have, well, guess what? You know in advance what you're going to say yes to and no to, and you're not making it up as you go along.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

I love that. I think that's so powerful. And to your point of, you know, the stuff we're made of. Um God created the stars, and the stuff that's in the stars is in us too. Like it's literally the stuff from the stars is in us, it's a part of us. And so, yeah, like we are one with this whole universe. Because, like, the same, you know, the same little molecules that make those asteroids flying out up there, make all the other planets, all these other things are in us. Like, literally, like it's the the composition, like I'm pointing at my hand, right? Like, those are the tiny things that are in us, and um and it's it's limitless, it's so powerful. Like, like you said, um we are creators, right? Because if God is a creator, we're made in his image that makes us co-creators. And so, how are we gonna affect our universe knowing that we are creating

Choosing From Abundance Not Fear

SPEAKER_00 17:34

something? So, um, leaning into creating something beautiful to to to making great things happen around us. And the values is kind of hard to understand before you really need those values, and then you get to a point where you're like, oh, when I make this decision, it is it gonna be out of abundance? Is it gonna be out of faith, or am I making this decision because I'm scared? And then learning the difference between those two things. Am I doing this because it's fun, or am I doing this because I feel obligated to? Am I doing this for adventure, or am I just doing this because that's what my mom said? You know, and so like finding it in in the journey is where we find those values and knowing, you know, do we stand up for this? Well, it's my value, so I have to, you know, so I have to say something. So I love that. Um, and it is a process, it is something it's it's it's very easy to talk about, but you don't really get it. At least I didn't really get it until I was going through it. And I was like, oh, that's why these values are so important. Because when you're sitting with a client and they're yelling at you and they're calling you names, you it's time to have a choice. Like, am I gonna sit here and take this? Or do my values not allow me, you know, do my values like draw a line here? Or, you know, if you know, there's so many situations in everyday life where you don't realize sometimes the values, how they play out and even those tiny decisions.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

And so you know, you know, I think it's fascinating too you know, I think it's fascinating too is the the fact of the matter is is that values are irrelevant unless we realize that we are valued.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

Right. I mean, isn't it isn't it it's amazing when

Why Feeling Valued Changes Everything

SPEAKER_01 19:24

you look at you know children who were not valued, right? When they were uh harmed in some way, right? Abused, they've got trauma, they've gotten neglect, or they've been abandoned. It's amazing how you know the this idea that you know we we cannot give away something that we don't have, right? If I don't have a hundred bucks, I can't give you a hundred bucks. If I if I don't understand that I am valued, you know, as a priceless treasure, I mean it's then then relationships become uh kind of transactional or they become I'm trying I'm trying to manage something here as opposed to you know, I'm David Osk and I'm showing up to have a beautiful impact on those around me, if whether they, you know, like it or not, or you know, whatever, whatever that might happen, you know, happens there, right, is is kind of uh irrelevant because I'm showing up in a way that is absolutely meaningful to who I am and the type of person that I am, not that I want to be, the type of person that I am, and that the the the you know the the type of impact that I want to have, the the results they don't belong to me. But I think it's really fascinating is is that um, you know, yes, we can create, you know, we can understand identity and authenticity and all those things um on a very practical level inside of us. But guess what? We were made, we were designed to be loved. And it's the love from someone else, hopefully our parents, you know, to start, that galvanizes, like literally galvanizes all of that beauty and wonder inside of our soul and psyche, right? We we have to have someone on the outside, you know, saying, Hey Nicole, guess what? I see these things in you, and they're beautiful, they're powerful, they're wonderful. You know, we we we were designed to have that fuel, you know, poured into us. And so it's kind of a, you know, we we live in a dangerous world, right? We live in a world that seems so topsy turvy and upside down, and um and and we were you know made uh not only in the image of of God, but we were made uh to need uh to need to be have validation and love. So those those uh you know those things that are most true about us, right? Like my I've got my my daughter's 18, my son is 20, or no, she's 19 now. And um I uh you know we we really when the kids were growing up, we tried to ask them a lot of questions about, you know, the things that they value. And of course, we have a family culture and the things that we value, but as they got older and they started to express everything from the things that they care about to their talents, their giftings, that thing that puts a lump in their throat, the things that, you know, that make their heartbreak and all that kind of stuff, we really tried to notice those things and then call them out, right? Validate those things and to say, hey Parker, you know what? Yesterday when you were doing this or you said this, I could tell, like, man, that was that came from a really deep place in you. And guess what? It's good. And I want you to know that I see that and I see you and I value that and I value you. And um, it's amazing how that that type of external, you know, love and validation just changes everything for us.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

That's beautiful. Yeah, and that that reinforces what you see, right? Because it's so easy for us to dismiss the things that we do and to not notice. And so you just pointing that out, I mean, I know that that's gonna make a huge difference in the life in their long in the long run. So um I commend you for that. That is amazing. Yeah, um, and so that we can get some more of this goodness from you, can you um let us know how we can stay in touch with you after this?

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Sure, yeah. Well, thank you. I've you know, it's uh I'm launching a uh my book here, hopefully, you know, sometime in the spring. And then um I'm also um creating a a YouTube channel. It's gonna be called the Ask Experience. So here, but it's funny, right? I'm having a

Where To Find David Online

SPEAKER_01 23:28

little fun with my last name. But my yeah, so we're gonna call it the Ask Experience. And really it's it's about, you know, let me when the word ask, you know, kind of you know, begs a question mark, right? And it's so we're what we're wanting to do is to kind of introduce people to themselves and so that they can start removing those question marks and uh and operate in a life where you walk into a room and you don't have a question mark because you feel it, and so does everybody else. And um so, but yes, if you want to right now, the website that I have up is just davidosskmusic.com. And um, if there's something I can, you know, uh do for you, just let me know, you know, there and I'll I'll do my best.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Awesome. Thank you so much. And all his links will be available down in the show notes, as usual. You guys know. And um, okay, so last thing we like to sign off with a final tip. So what's like that big tip, you know, like the the big money tip that you give your clients? Like give it give it away here to us now.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Yeah, you know, it I I use this quote almost every time I'm on the stage speaking anywhere. It's by Benjamin Disraeli and um former PM of England, and he says, the greatest good

Final Tip On Seeing Riches

SPEAKER_01 24:38

you can do for another is not to share with him your riches, but to reveal to him his own. And I just absolutely love the idea of seeing richness in someone else. And for heaven's sakes, say something, right? If you see something beautiful and wonderful and powerful and lovely and whatever those words are that would describe someone, for heaven's sakes, say something.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

I love that. I love that so much because usually that see something, say something, it's like very negative. It has very negative connotations, and you know, um, we don't gotta go into all that, but just the fact that you you you twist it, right? And you're you just turned it around and you're like, hey, if you see something beautiful, say something about it. I love that. And you know what? That's your own beauty rip being reflected back on you because you see the the world is beautiful, and so that's that's the reason that you can shout it out like that. So I love that. Um, all right, thank you so much for being here with us, David. This has been absolutely incredible, and we will catch you guys next time on the next episode of Overcome Yourself the Podcast. Bye.